Lay me Down to Sleep

Chapter 6

  The walk home has never felt so long. I want to run back to her right now and tell her how much I already love her. I can't do that though. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. Being gay was never going to be in the cards for me. I have no choice but to mate and marry a wealthy man.
  I put my bike back into its usual spot before walking up to my porch to my door. I slowly push open the door hoping my mother is asleep. I quickly realize I'm out of luck when I catch her eyes from the couch.
  "Where have you been a little girl", she slurs at me. She rocking back in forth in her intoxication and her eyes are clearly going out of focus.
  "I was out with a friend mom", I respond. She nods at this.
  "Always so useless, you should have been studying your Bible or getting with that Alpha", she punctuates this by throwing an already empty bottle in my direction. Glass crashes and shatters against the wall next to me.
  "Such a useless girl", she says, "letting your poor old disabled mother lay around in filth, do you not want to provide for me? Did me bringing you into this world mean nothing? Honor your parents and repent". When she snarls the last word I already know what she wants. I sigh and pick up a piece of the broken bottle. Hopefully, the vodka has at least sanitized it. I look over to meet my mother's expectant gaze before pulling down at the side of my jeans. I press the glass into my skin before dragging it along. Blood spills out of the stinging cut and my mother smiles.
  "You aren't done", she says. I sigh and repeat the motion two more times. Seeming satisfied she turns back to her liquor and I slip up the stairs. I get into my bed without bothering to dress the wound. I don't want to think about my mother's stain on the night. I'd rather think of my beautiful mate. I fall asleep thinking of her honey eyes.
  When I wake my blood has dried into a blotchy mess on my hip. I head to the bathroom for a shower. I turn on the water and let it run down my back. I am careful not to reopen my cuts or get soap in them. I lightly run my fingers around them to help remove the blood.
  Stepping out I walk to the now fogged over mirror and swipe my hand along it to see my reflection. I don't feel like the girl staring back at me. I don't feel like I who I am matches my beautiful reflection. I should be horrendously ugly, but I'm not and it doesn't seem fair. I think I'd much prefer to be ugly anyway. Maybe if I were then my mother wouldn't pressure me to marry. If I were ugly she'd probably forget all about me. If I were ugly I wouldn't have the power to hurt people anymore. Sadly I am beautiful, and I wish I wasn't.
  Leaving the house I decide to go bother Will. Hopefully, if I just go watch mutter to himself and maybe sway my hips at him for a while that will be enough for her.
  I hate it when I have to go to Hope's house. It's a beautiful place, especially with all of Will's renovations, but it feels so haunted. Looking at it I can see all the ways she could have been happy here, I can see how they could have been happy. I sigh feeling even worse than I did before.
  I walk up the pavers and porch steps to the bright yellow door. I raise my hand and knock. I hear him inside as he runs to the door to slam it open. He looks at me excitedly for a moment before slumping.
  "I thought you might be her", he grumbles this anytime someone visits him. You'd think after all these years he wouldn't be so delusional.
  I puff up with forced confidence, "you aren't excited to see me". I fake a pout at him before sauntering past him into the house. I go to lean against a wall careful not to touch anything she picked out.
  I smile seductively at him while he continues to stare mournfully at the spot in the doorway where I had been.
  "Alpha Will", I pur, "I think you'll enjoy the show over here a bit more". I cock out my hip and pushed out my chest as he turns to look at me. He takes no notice of the display I've made of myself. 
  He mumbles and walks past me while fiddling with something in his pocket. I sigh and follow him into the kitchen. He goes to stand next to the counter before staring down at it.
  "Would she want granite or butcher block? She liked cozy things so maybe butcher block but, she deserves the most luxurious so maybe marble? Maybe I should update the cabinets-", he stands there whispering to himself.
  I sigh before slinking in front of him and wrapping my arms around him.
  "Who cares what she thinks of the counter?", I coo, "if it makes you feel better we could just have some fun on them instead". His eyes finally lose their clouded look and he shoves me away from him. My back hits the counter hard making me gasp.
  "I don't want you, you aren't her!", he shouts, "what if she had just walked in and saw us like that!". I grabs my arm and starts dragging me through the house before throwing me on my ass outside. He slams the door shut with almost as much vigor as he had opened it and presumably goes back to obsessing over countertops.