The Psychology of Love

Chapter 1 Shame

"Tape 1: I find myself in my office.The university is letting me use this room for research for my doctoral thesis.
For two years I am allowed to supervise 12 subjects here and work with them on my guiding question.
The phenomenon of countertransference: What is the role of the therapist in coping with repressed feelings?
The focus of my work is to capture the moment when the therapist represents the epitome of wish fulfillment. The moment when the patient transfers all his repressed needs to the therapist. Perceiving this moment and navigating the proper countertransference are central aspects of psychoanalysis.
12 psychology students have volunteered to go through a meta-therapeutic process with me. In individual sessions I guide them into their unconscious using depth psychological methods. There is an analysis after each session. In this process we exchange our perceptions and feelings directed at each other.
Today is the first preliminary talk with YU Teng. YU is a native of Japan, 26 years old and in his senior year. He is the oldest student and the first to be interested in and apply for my research," Sam speaks into his voice recorder.

The room is 20 square meters, plainly furnished, but bright and warm because of the two large windows.

At one of these windows, Sam stands looking into the distance. He is excited and focused. Serious and curious.

His ambition has always borne fruit.

Top of his class, top of his year, top of his graduation.

Having skipped a grade each in elementary and high school, he was always the youngest. In university, he was the high achiever, graduating in psychology after only 6 semesters and going through advanced training to become a psychoanalyst.

Even though he never concerned himself much with the people around him, as with the self-imposed learning load, an interest in human experience and behavior always burned within him. As a perfectionist, it had been clear for a long time that he wanted to write his doctoral dissertation before he started practicing therapy.

Sam plans. He controls. Guides and listens.

So far, he has only explored himself.
Now he wants to turn his gaze outward.

A tentative knock snaps Sam out of his thoughts. He looks at the clock. 3:47 p.m. YU is supposed to appear at 4 p.m.

Sam reaches for his dictaphone and speaks: "Tape 2: Preliminary interview with YU Teng, 05.11.2021, 15.47 hrs. YU arrives 13 minutes early. Reference to fear of failure. Tentative tapping reinforces impression."

Sam walks to the door with conviction and a slight smile. He wants to receive YU rather than just invite him in. Basic rule according to theory.

Sam opens the door and extends his hand to YU.

"Hi. You must be YU Teng, come on in," he greets YU in a friendly manner.

YU averts his gaze from Sam's eyes and looks at his outstretched hand.

"Hi, I came too early. The excitement was too much. I couldn't stand to finally meet you," he says shyly and extends his hand to Sam.

His cold hand is captured by Sam's warm one. A moment longer than usual. They look at each other. YU wonders about Sam's young appearance. He would have guessed him to be older.
Sam peers into YU's slightly flushed face, admiring his fine features.

"You don't have to be so formal with me, I'm only a year older than you. Come in and sit down," Sam replies, watching YU's eyes widen. And Sam has to laugh. YU's astonished cat eyes and his open mouth make Sam laugh. He wants to look serious and tries to suppress his laughter.