Silence [The Hunger Games]

Chapter Forty-One

 I awoke to the sound of a monitor beeping and intense pain. Something told me I was in intensive care. Groggily forcing my eyes open, I saw medics busying themselves with collecting all sorts of equipment. I was being operated on. Through a fuzzing sensation in my ears, I heard someone announce that I was awake. I tried to sit up, but found that I’d been restrained. A syringe was inserted in my arm, and I blacked out again.

 The next time I awoke, light pooled in my eyes, and I was surrounded by uncomfortable silence. I was free to move around, and nothing hurt anymore. In fact, I felt nothing. Nothing at all.

 I inspected my body. My swollen toes were back to normal. No tear could be found in the skin on my arm. My cheek, jaw and nose were reconstructed and replacement teeth filled my mouth. There was not a mark left on me. But no one could heal the hole in my heart.

 Not quite trusting my newly made body, I slid out of my bed and took a few steps, grabbing a pale blue pair of scrubs to cover my naked body. My legs held up, and I successfully reached the door. It opened without a sound, and I let out a low whistle just to convince myself I hadn’t gone deaf.

 Then I ran. I couldn’t stop myself. I felt the way I did on reaping day, running from home. Images of the fence flashed before my eyes. Logan…

 I was desperate to see a familiar face, or something that might remind me of how things used to be. The corridors were like a maze, forever twisting and turning. I passed a medic who called for me to stop, but my bare feet pounded even harder against the linoleum floor.

 That was when Clementia appeared, her red hair flowing behind her like fire as she ran alongside me. Whipping my head to my other side, I saw Kai. Up ahead, Avery sprinted at me and I was almost certain that someone was behind me. With a wild scream, I stopped and fell hard on my knees. I gnawed my perfect thumb staring at Clementia as she joined hands with Kai in front of me. Ceres appeared from behind me, looking up at Avery with a smile. She smiled back, giving Ceres a loving pat on the shoulder. I closed my eyes to block them out, willing them to let me leave them in the past. And then, all of a sudden, I was locked in a clumsy embrace. My body stiffened at the unfamiliarity of the arms.

 “Logan?” I whispered, willing it to be him. Of course, it wasn’t. It was Drew. He was shaking, and silent tears rained on my shoulder. The others were gone.

 “Welcome home, Raven,” he whispered.

 “I’m not home. I don’t know where home is anymore.”

 “Home is with the ones you love. You’re safe now.”

 “Am I? Am I?” I demanded to know, pulling away “Are you safe?”

 “I am now. Now I’m not alone. Now we have each other, nothing can hurt us anymore. Don’t you understand? All we need is a good friend, and family. You’re my family now.”

 I didn’t believe what he was saying. He believed we could be fine, but I doubted I’d ever be fine again. But the innocent look of a child in his eyes, the eyes of a boy who had never been broken, told me this might be what he needed. He may finally be able to fix himself. And so I gripped his hand. Smiled.

 “The surgeons have done wonders to your looks,” Drew commented casually, a smirk playing on his lips. I found myself smiling back. Drew stood and pulled me to my feet.

 “Come on. Everyone is waiting to see you.”

 He led me to a room, where everyone was seated at a dining table. As I entered, they stood in respect and clapped. A warning look from Drew told them it wasn’t appropriate, and they stopped, heads bowed in shame. I managed a smile and hugged each of them in turn. Valeria kissed my cheeks twice, and ushered me to sit down so that I could eat. Despite her warning that I shouldn’t eat too much, I managed a few plates of food, while she shook her head in amusement and slight annoyance. Eddie came to mind, and I reached to twist the ring on my hand. I recoiled in shock realising it wasn’t there.

 “My ring…and the diary!”

 “I have them, sweetheart. I was going to give you them later, when we’d finished eating…” Eli said cautiously, handing them both over nervously. He was a little skittish in my presence, perhaps scared of what I was capable of. I lunged for the notebook first, before sliding the ring comfortably on my finger with a sigh. Eli looked awkward, and I wondered if I would ever be able to fix our relationship.

 “How many people did I kill?” I asked quietly. Eli gasped, and Valeria exhaled in shock.

 “I don’t think that’s a suitable topic of conversation, Raven.”

 “I don’t care! I need to know.”

 Drew pursed his lips and clicked his tongue, deciding whether to tell me.

 “Six.”

 “Six?” I asked in horror. I sunk back in my chair. I didn’t believe myself capable. But as the Games had taught me. The need for survival makes monsters of us all.

 “Don’t dwell on it, Raven. It’s in the past.”

 I looked up. It was Clementia again. She walked behind Drew, leaning her elbow on the arm of his chair as she crouched beside him.

 “I’m happy now,” she said, staring at the floor dreamily “I want to ease the pain in your heart.”

 “Logan,” I whispered “Bring me Logan.”

 “Raven?” Eli said, fear evident in his voice “Did you say something?”

 I glanced at him, my eyes darting back to Drew’s chair. She’d gone again.

 “I…I said can I sleep some more? I’m very tired.”

 Valeria hastily helped me to my feet, “Well of course. Come on. You can sleep in my room.”

 She took my hand and led me to a room with a huge welcoming bed. I childishly let Valeria tuck the duvet to my chin, and smooth my hair.

 “Sleep well,” she said, planting a loving kiss on my forehead. My eyes fluttered closed, and I let sleep take me away from reality.