Silence [The Hunger Games]

Chapter Fifty-Five

 Have you ever wondered what it would be like to lose your voice forever? To never be able to form words or song? To never be able to tell someone you love them, or comfort them when they’re sad?

 I awoke at my home in District 10, as though it had all been a bad dream. But when I tried to call for Eddie, nothing came out.

 I wrapped my arms around myself and went down the stairs. Eddie sat in his favourite armchair in the living room, his head in his hands. As I approached, he looked up at me, tears glistening in his eyes. He said nothing as he moved towards me and cupped my face in his hands.

 “Why, Raven?” he whispered, the tears spilling down his cheeks “I thought you were happy.”

 I shook my head. Then realising that I sounded like I was disagreeing, I shook my head violently again, gesturing wildly with my hands. All Eddie could do was stare as I hopelessly tried to express myself. I found that tears were soaking my own face, though I made no sound. Eddie hugged me fiercely to his chest, stroking my hair and my back comfortingly. I allowed him to carry me back to bed and tuck me under the soft duvet as I snivelled. He made me tomato soup, knowing it was my favourite, but my severed tongue made it difficult to swallow. Instead, I just lay there in bed, as though losing my tongue was the final straw. I didn’t want to face the world anymore.

 Over the next few days, I had visits from Valeria and Drew, as well as my Father. Sophia and my prep team hadn’t been allowed back into the District, probably because the president knew they’d want to see me, but they phoned me up, and spoke to me softly in their Capitol accents, wishing me the best on the “road to recovery.” But already, as I lay practically crippled in my bed, I knew I was fading. I felt I had nothing to live for.

 One night, when Eddie had fallen asleep, I fished in my bedside cabinet for Logan’s diary. I flicked through it, wishing he was with me. If I closed my eyes, I could almost hear his voice whispering to me. I could almost feel the pressure of his fingers as they pressed against my wrist, feeling my heartbeat. I could almost smell the peppermint on his breath after he’d cleaned his teeth, a smell I’d always associated with him even after Eddie began using the same toothpaste. And, if I concentrated really hard, I could taste Sherbet Lemons on the remains of my distorted tongue.

 Snapping the diary shut, I tumbled out of bed for the first time in nearly a week and crawled to Pandora’s room across the landing. She too was awake, sat up in bed looking out through the window. She opened her arms as I dragged myself into bed with her and we hugged for a long time. Silence cloaked our bodies as the sun began to rise outside. A new day was dawning, and with it, a new mind set. It seemed to me that I had outstayed my welcome in District 10. I had to leave before I lost my mind completely.

 I leapt from Pandora’s bed and scrabbled to find paper and a pen. Then, as fast as I could, I scribbled down my idea on the paper. Pandora watched with interest, and when I finished, I thrust it into her hand. She read it carefully, her smile growing as she read. When she finished, she looked me in the eye, and gave a single nod. I wasn’t alone.

 That day, I began to make preparations. I didn’t tell Eddie what I was up to, but he seemed pleased that I was up and about. I took the note to Drew and then my Father, and both agreed to it. But when I showed the paper to Valeria, she shook her head in despair.

 “I sometimes think you have a death wish, Raven,” she scorned, tutting as though I was a small child “You can make your own decisions, I’m not your mother. But I refuse to come. End of.”

 I pleaded to her with my eyes, scared of leaving her behind. But she wouldn’t budge. That was the thing with Valeria. She was stubborn, just like me. We were too alike, and in the end, it meant that we couldn’t be together. She pulled me into a floral smelling hug, and we stayed there for a long time, for I knew I wouldn’t see Valeria Grey again.

 “Be careful, darling,” she croaked, a sob caught in her throat. Then she pushed me away and turned her back, blocking out the pain she felt. Reluctantly, I left her house and walked back to my own. It was time to tell Eddie.

 I’d written a separate letter to Eddie. I figured he’d need more persuasion than the others. I spent a long time deliberating how to convince him it was a good idea. In the end, I decided on the most persuasive letter I’d managed to produce.

 Dearest Eddie,

 There is nothing I can gain from staying here anymore. The Capitol will be intent on making my life a misery for as long as I live, and the only way to escape is to go elsewhere. I plan to travel through the forest, taking sufficient funds and supplies with me to get me to District Thirteen.

 You may think I’m crazy. Maybe I am. But it was always your dream to go to Thirteen, wasn’t it? Find out what really happened there, how much of it is left, how much can be salvaged from its lands. It seems like the perfect place to start anew. Think of this as an opportunity to do some research. I know that if I want any sort of chance at happiness, I must go to Thirteen. If there is nothing there…well. I’ll think of that when it comes to it. I plan to bring Drew, Pandora and my father along. I assume you’ll want to take your mother, but you’ll have to inform her yourself. I will go whether you do or not, and I cannot be persuaded otherwise. I hope you will join me.

All my love

Raven.

 Eddie stared at me, and then looked back at the letter in his hand. He sighed in frustration, obviously torn between staying put and leaving. Then, he threw the letter down and took my hands.

 “My mother won’t come. I know it,” he mumbled, shaking his head again, “But for you…only for you. I must be mad…but for you, anything.”

 I threw my arms around him, grasping the back of his head. I wasn’t alone. He pulled away, noticing my half packed bag in the corner of the room.

 “Do we leave…tonight?”

 I nodded eagerly. Hastily, Eddie began to search for things he might need. I packed several blankets and a change of clothes in my backpack, before raiding the kitchen for food, water and knives. Pandora’s bag, which she’d packed earlier in the day, was significantly emptier than mine, and so I put some extra layers of clothing in for the two of us. Eddie was almost finished, and we all met in the hallway of the house, ready to leave. I’d arranged to meet everyone else at the fence at midnight, but I figured we could set out earlier as I was so impatient to leave. Making sure Eddie was wearing warm clothes and sensible shoes as I tightened Pandora’s backpack straps, I mentally said goodbye to the house. Then we set out into the cold, dark night.

 It turned out we didn’t have to wait at the fence. Drew was already there, and my father arrived a few minutes later. One by one, they slid under the fence, until we all stood on the other side. I breathed in the fresh air, smiling. Freedom at last. I linked hands with Pandora, who trembled slightly at the thought of the journey ahead. Eddie’s fingers entwined through my other hand, and I focused on the forest ahead of me. In the light of the moon, Clementia giggled as she danced with Avery, their hair blowing in the wind. Kai sat and watched them, amused. And Logan sat atop a tree branch, whistling to Jonah. My friends, my unforgotten past. They were watching over me, and always would be.

 I took a deep breath and walked into the unknown.

To be continued...