My Little Love

Chapter 11

"Lily died," I blurted out.

Why did I frickin say that?

Damien's expression turned shocked and he pulled away from me.

"What?!" He asked.

I stumbled over my words, trying to explain.

"Not now. She's alive now. When she was born. She was born as a still born. Nine hours of labor and she didn't cry." I said, my mind flashing back to the memory.

Flashback

I gave one last push, crying out. I listened for the cry of my baby girl, panting through my teeth. But there was only silence. Silence, and then hushed whispers from the doctor and nurses.

After a couple of moments, the doctor finally spoke up.

"Evelyn. I'm really sorry. You're baby is a still born," He said, his eyes filled with sadness.

I let the words sink in then slowly shook my head. Not my baby. No, my baby was strong. She wasn't dead. She just didn't want to cry.

"No. No. No, no no! She's alive!" I said, thrashing against the the pipe connected to my hand.

The doctor held me down.

"Please, don't move too much. We don't want you to get hurt," The doctor said.

I sobbed. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, my heart feeling as though it was wrenching out of my chest. The doctors and nurses cut the cord connecting the baby to me, and swept her to the adjourned room. One of the nurses let Thalia who was waiting outside in. Thalia held me, crying her own silent tears as she tried to comfort me.

Everything I'd gone through, everything I'd done was for the little girl growing in my womb. She couldn't have died.

I cried and yelled, and Thalia held me through it all. The doctor finally came out of the room, holding the still born baby girl.

He let me hold her. Let me look at her lifeless face and closed eyes.

"Please, baby. Live. You're Damien's daughter. You have to fight," I said.

Thalia watched me, covering her mouth as tears trickled down her own cheeks.

"Please, please, please," I begged.

A few minutes passed in which I begged her.

"I love you," I cried. "I love you so, so much."

And then she cried. First stirring a little, and then whimpering before letting out her first wail. Her eyes straining to open. I was stunned.

"A miracle baby," The doctor breathed.

End of Flashback

Damien looked shocked before he finally asked, "Why are you telling me all of this?"

He had stepped away enough for me to breathe.

I ran a hand through my hair, and said gently, "Because you don't know about my life. You don't know about Lily. You don't know how to be a father. And after what happened last time...I think it's best if you and I don't get involved again."

I wanted it though. Hell, I wanted to be involved again so much that it hurt. But I couldn't. Not again. Not just to have my heart broken again.

"So what are you saying?" Damien asked, his voice rough.

"Prove it," I blurted out, "Prove that you can be a good father. Prove that we can be involved again without me having to fear about having my heart broken again."

Why did I say that? Why did I say that?!

I forced myself to turn on my heel and leave, not bothering to wait to see what he would say. As soon as I was back in my room, I shut the door and leaned against it, breathing hard.

I turned around to look at Lily, sleeping peacefully in her crib.

"Oh, Lily, what have I done?" I whispered.