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"Hi..." I watch her as she exhales. She looks... so many things at the same time. Her tear stained cheeks tell me that she's sad, her short breaths indicate that she's angry. But somehow she's still beautiful.
"Yo-u" her voice is barely audible. She points a finger at me. Before I can feel ashamed of my reckless behaviour, I watch her struggle with words.
"You..." she tries again. But her voice breaks. She's that upset?
I can see that she's irritated at not being able to speak. Or perhaps not able to find words. Tears fall from her eyes as she tries again, "You..."
She pulls me in her arms. "You, Ruturaj, you scared the hell out of me."
She's holding me so tenderly yet so firmly. I can feel her hand on my head as she pats it as if I'm the one who needs to be comforted. She is not speaking but she is communicating so much.
I'm too shocked to respond. I have never been held like that. She releases me and looks in my eyes. I can sense that she wants to say something. But she says nothing.
"What are you doing?" I ask her, genuinely curious to know why she's quiet.
"I'm looking at you." She answers.
That's when I realise that she's memorising my face. How scared she must have been to imagine the worst?
Oh Kritika. Before I can embrace her, she reaches out for another hug.
"Never do that to yourself, again."
And to you? I think.
"Why did you" she pauses. "Why did you do that?"
"I wanted to try."
"You could have told someone. You could have told me. I would have been there with you. Helping you in any way. But no, you had to be brave and do it alone."
This is the first time I've seen her angry.
But none of the emotion seems to last in front of fear. She can't help but come back to it. Am I that important to her?
"You-you were in there, suff- suffering until you fainted. Your hands were s-so cold. You were so pale. You-you..."
"I admit that it was a stupid decision."
She nods positively.
"And I am really sorry for scaring you."
She swallows.
"I promise not to do anything of this sort in the future."
She nods again.
"Kritika..." I wait for her to say something.
"Rutu..."
Rutu?! Did I hear it correct?
I blink my eyes. "Say that again." I plead her.
I watch her lips twitch before she says, "Rutu."
"God, Kriti. Come here."
It's my turn to give her a nice long hug.
*****
She gets up to give me and Mahi Bhai some privacy. As soon as the door shuts, he speaks, "I have always believed, what doesn't kill you makes you strong but today..." he sighs. I look at my hands.
"I'm going to ask you a question and I know that you'll be honest when you answer it." I nod sincerely.
He looks at me, with a neutral expression as he asks, "Were you doing this to impress her?"
How does he know?
I nod my head slowly.
I'm too afraid to look at his face but when I hear him chuckling, my head goes up automatically.
"Ah, Ruturaj, she would have given you one nice hit if she'd have known this."
I try my best not to but I end up smiling.
"I just thought that she'd be so proud of me for overcoming my fear. I was going to surprise her."
"And she'd have appreciated the thought, but you could have started slow, don't you think?"
I nod in agreement.
"But I can see why you chose not to. You are one of the most determined youngsters, I've met in a long time."
Deva! Mahi Bhai thinks that I'm determined!
"And naturally you wanted to show her that you're capable of trying to overcome your fear."
He is really good at reading people because every observation of his is accurate.
"The only thing I'm surprised about is at the quickness of your decision. You decided and implemented it without giving it much thought, didn't you?"
"I did. In fact it was a last minute decision. I don't generally act that impulsively but the moment this idea came to my mind, I decided to act on it."
"I'm not going to scold you because I know that you're aware why this was wrong. And your face says that you're already very embarassed about it."
I am. Beyond words.
"You have to promise me one thing. You will not take any decision regarding the lift on your own. Any time you feel like giving it another try, come to me. Okay?"
"Okay." The only time I remember seeing him teary eyed was during the press conference after CSK won the trophy last year.
But today is the first time I see his eyes glistening with tears, face to face.
Mine get wet and follow his as he says, "Now you rest. Okay?"
"Yes."
When I started panicking in the elevator, I had this recurring thought- You have to do this for Kriti and Mahi Bhai. You have to make them proud.
Little did I know that the two people I was holding on to in the time of crisis, were the ones who would worry themselves the most if I failed. Little did I know that the emotional intensity was mutual.
Their faces float in front of my eyes before I fall asleep.
