Match Made In Hotel | Ruturaj Gaikwad ✓

Rightfully wrong

A memory

I find Appa waiting for me behind our scooter. School had just finished and I had so much to tell him.

I'm so excited to reach him that I break in a run. I can feel his smile broadening as he picks me in his arms.

"Appa… Appa, do you know what Sohrab was telling me?"

He looks at me curiously. Sometimes I feel so lucky when he listens to me so attentively. None of my friends fathers come to pick them up. It's always the mothers. But Appa. Appa doesn't miss a day. He's always here to pick me and listen to me.

"What did Sohrab tell you Ponnu?"

"He said that he is going to save his pocket money and buy me a pony. And then we will sit on it together and... and he will show me the wholeeee Chennai! That will be so nice, Appa."

"Well didn't you tell him?" He says, his eyes twinkling and I have to stop myself from pointing this out to him.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are.
You are my Appa's eyes.

I shake my head.

"What, Appa?"

"That you don't need him or his pony to show you around Chennai. You have your own wings, don't you?"

I look at him, in surprise. How did I not think of this.

I give him a tight squeeze. "Yes Appa, you are right. I have my own wings." I say, fluttering an imaginary set of wings that make him laugh fondly.

******

"Is this what it looks like?" Appa said, his voice barely a whisper. I looked in his eyes and gave him a nod.

"Yes, Appa. We love each other."

If he wasn't clenching his fists earlier, he was now.

"Ponnu, don't you think love is strong word to use when you've only known him for two and a half months?"

If I weren't angry, I would have marveled at how when it came to me, even the littlest of the little details didn't skip Appa's mind.

"What does time have to do with love Appa?" I keep my voice polite but when his brows tighten, I know that he has heard the annoyance in it.

"Okay, let's say, you did fall in love with him…." I do not like the way he's denying our love.

"....but then Ponnu don't you think you should stay away from him? He's one of them after all."

I study his face. I can't believe what he said. This isn't my Appa. My heart tugs my brain. Tells it to notice the n number of times Appa has been protective of me. Especially when the matter of concern is a male. I sigh.

"I did Appa. Tried to stay away from him as much as I could. But failed every single time. Even when I managed to stay away from him physically, my mind was on him, I-"

"See, this was exactly what I was talking about, such people, they distract you. Lull you away from reality. Show you big dreams. Dreams of a beautiful life. But who knows if they will keep their promises?"

I have to take a deep breath to stop my nostrils from flaring.

"And why are you assuming that Rutu belongs to the category of "such people"? Don't tell me it's because of his profession, Appa. I refuse to believe that an smart man like you would think like this."

"It's the reality, Ponnu. One would have to be stupid to not see it. Their world is different from ours-"

"Appa." I cut him in the middle of a sentence. Perhaps for the first and the last time. Hurt replaces anger on his face.

"I would like it if we talk about Ruturaj as a person and not group him with others. It is him whom I love. So let's talk about him rather than cricketers."

He is silent for a few moments.

"Fine. You want to talk about Ruturaj. Let's do it. Let's talk about how the season has come to an end, yet he hasn't played a single match."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Why can't Appa see Rutu as a person and then as a cricketer? Is it so difficult?

"Kritika."

He only takes my name when he's too angry to say Ponnu. At his sharp tone and distant voice, I feel the tears coming.

"I'm worried. I'm worried about you. What if he doesn't make it to the playing eleven. How long will he be warming those benches? What if he doesn't have a good degree to get a job? What if he gets jealous of your success? What if he leaves you just like that?"

Appa stops to take a breath. And I know that he wasn't thinking before he spoke. Because Ajith Pillai has a habit of measuring his words. He never runs out of breath. I try to seek my father's eyes in his blooshot orbs and ask him the question that would put an end to this argument. Save us some energy.

"What do you want me to do?"

Relief washes over his face. If only he knew that I was asking the question not because I was too tired to fight for myself and Rutu but because I was tired of his lack of faith in Rutu.

"I want you to try and cut him out of your life."

Of whatever I had imagined him saying, this was the last thing. My horror must have reflected on my face for he speaks immediately.

"It won't be that difficult, Ponnu. You've just gotten used to him. If you change your habits, you'll be able to go back the way you were, before all this happened."

I am shaking. Does he really think what we have is so fickle? So momentary to throw it away?

"You don't need anyone, Ponnu." He says and I shake my head. I'm done listening to him.

"I'm sorry Appa but I can't. And I won't. Ruturaj is a part of me now."

His face twists in disgust, agony and sadness. I leave the kitchen before I see anymore shame in his eyes.

******

I'm rubbing my temples. Due to yesterday's fight, I couldn't sleep properly. Appa's disappointed face kept flashing in front of my eyes but one thing almost made me smile. I was not feeling guilty. Every fight was worth it if it was for him.

I look at the time. Almost there. Few more minutes and he'll be in the bus. Ready to update me on his ride to the stadium.

When I see his face, pure, unadulterated joy fills my insides. And I realise how Appa had been right as well as wrong when he had said that I didn't need him.

Yes, I didn't need Ruturaj.
But I wanted him.