Best Friends Brother │ Quinn Hughes

chapter 29

*Trigger Warning - contains conversation about drug use, suicide and sexual assault

Wesley's POV

I wanted him the same way he wanted me. He still had the feelings that I had. Yes, we had our ups and downs. We decided to give our relationship another go and I was very thankful for that. It has been a week since our date and there was not a day that we haven't seen each other after that. 

"Can we have a serious conversations," I asked, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. He nodded, was she finally going to open up to me? "I never wanted to keep secrets and I did. Cole found me at my most venerable state and I didn't know how to handle it, I never fully processed what happened to me and what I had been doing. I am so sorry that I could never tell you this before but I was ashamed and I didn't want to be damaged good, I never wanted to be broken and I was scared you would leave. I was out of control for years, I didn't know to handle the pain I was going through. I didn't know how to handle it so I turned to drugs. I had been buying prescription pills of the street. For a couple years I was on medication to help with my mental health issues but after a while, I thought I was fine, I thought I was better. I had you, Jack and Luke in my life. When things started to go downhill is when I was starting to buy from dealers. They helped me get through the day, everyday, every emotion I felt and when I felt sad or lonely or depressed, I took more. The pills would help me with my ptsd. I never told anyone, Cole found the pills when he was helping me get something out of my bag for me. When I was younger, I was abused in so many ways, I was beat to a pulp, sexual assaulted almost everyday for years, he was a family member, I had no way of escaping it. I was young and dumb and thought this is what is love. My mom found out and did nothing about it. She was always running off with some guys, a couple were nice but others did the same thing to me that the family member did to me. I didn't know how to escape it other than ending it, so I've attempted many time. But they failed and I am so glad for it. I was doing better for a while until when everyone left for Jack's hockey tournament a year or so ago, I went to a party. I knew it was a bad idea even before I went but I still made the dumb mistake of going, I wanted to get high or drunk or to find anything available,  I wanted to feel free from everything. I got super drunk and was also high, I was around not so good of people. And then I tried Molly." At this point I wad sobbing, I couldn't even look into Quinn's eyes but I heard his sniffling. I knew this broke him, I knew that this would probably be the end of the relationship but I needed to confess, I needed to be able to talk about what happened to me. "I was assaulted. I couldn't move, I was so high that I was felt like it wasn't real but it was. He was on top of me, taunting me, smirking at me like he had been planning this for a while, he laughed at me, spit on me. His eyes were evil. After that day, I went nuts. I couldn't deal with it. I would have nightmares and would wake up screaming and sweating. Every time I closed my eyes, I could feel him. I did things that no one would have ever known. I got addicted to drugs, I became anorexic but told everyone that I was exercising a bunch and eating healthier so no one would ask questions. I went down to around 115 pounds which I know is super unhealthy, I am 5'7 for god sakes. I would cry constantly when people weren't looking. I thought that the drugs would fix everything but they didn't. And then I met you the night when Jack left. He was my rock even though he had no idea. Luke didn't either or your parents, your mom questioned me for a while but eventually dropped it because I made excuses and made up lies. I am sorry, I understand if you want to break up and I will love you always but I am sorry Quinn, I really am." I sobbed into my shirt. Two strong arms pulled me into his lap. I cried into his arms not wanting to let go, I felt tears drop down onto my arms, I looked up into his eyes, they seemed so broken and I caused that. 

"I love you with all your flaws and your past, I love you for who you are and what happened to you. You know I'll protected you always and forever Wesley. I love you and do not ever think I don't." He said as he placed a kiss on my lips and let it linger. After a while, I was starting to drift asleep but he never let go, I was finally at peace, free from guilt and shame that had been held above my head for years.  

When I woke up, he was still next to me. His arm wrapped around me pulling me into his body. He tossed and turned for a while as I watch him sleep, his eyes fluttered open and made contact with mine immediately, he smiled and leaned down and kissed me. His lips were so addicting. "Are you okay?" He asked as I began to sit up and fix clothing, looking down realizing that it wasn't the ones I was originally wearing, but was his. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to change you, you looked so uncomfortable and I wanted you to be so I took your clothes off and gave you mine. I didn't do anything I promise, I just wanted you to feel comfortable." He said in a state of panic. I leaned down and kissed him in reassurance. "Thank you and I trust you with everything Quinn, I know you didn't do anything." I said smiling. I changed back into my clothes in the bathroom connected to his room as he sat down on the edge on his bed waiting for me. As I exited the bathroom, we both walked over to the door. 

This chapter like the past couple of chapters have been hard to write. This book is filled with a bunch of my "truths", it may not be exact to what I went through but it's very similar. I wanted to write this book to show you guys that you aren't alone. That if this happened to you that it isn't your fault and it never was. You are a survivor and no one can tell you otherwise!

On another note, I am finally done with my first year of college!!! I want to be able to have this book done before the fall semester so I WILL be updating at least once a week... I know I have said that before but I have fallen back in love with writing and will be working on finishing up this book before a new series!! 

xoxo,

missjennagrace

You're not alone! Please seek help if needed.

Information about abuse.

Call: 1-800-799-safe (7233)

or TTY 1-800-787-3244

Text: "START" to 88788

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

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If you are having thoughts of hurting yourself please reach out to a trusted friend, family, or crisis line. My messages are also always open.