44. Journal Entry Ten of Growing

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Dad,

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Dad,

I sit here, in the chair in my room, the one you and I picked out for this very spot, and for the first time, I am completely unable to think of what to write.

I've been sitting here for the past hour and twelve minutes trying to put my pen to paper and express everything that happened today and everything that I'm feeling.

But I can't.

Because all of it is beyond words.

She is beyond words.

She is so completely over and beyond any and all of the words that are in my vocabulary that I would probably have to invent some new ones to properly convey to you just how she is.

No words I know will do her justice.

I guess you both are a bit similar in that way.

God, Dad, you would have loved her.

I know you did when you met her.

But I would have got to see you adore her if you were here.

She gave you a green M&M.

I know you would have really appreciated that.

You would have followed her around every time you saw her, just to make sure that she gave you that M&M. She would have laughed at your antics, but loved you just the way you would have loved her – like your own daughter.

Sometimes, I wish that I could follow her.

That I could follow her across the world to Andrusia so that this hollow pit in my chest that is ever-present when I think of the fact that she's leaving soon will stop growing, will stop consuming me.

I can be in silence with her.

The silence is peaceful and calm.

Where she was sitting today, the sunlight was hitting her so perfectly well that her left eye was a deep chocolate brown and her right eye was the colour of autumn in the forest.

She said to me the most beautiful thing as we sat there, where you lay.

When I told her that you were gone, she asked me what the best parts of you were.

I listed all of them that I could think of.

She told me that the best parts of you are alive, then.

In me.

In me, Dad.

She told me that I have your best parts.

There has never been a single person in the world who has given me a better compliment that Aura did today, and there will never be one that tops it.

She makes me feel the strangest way, Dad.

She excites me and she calms me.

I've probably told you before.

When I look at her, at times, I feel as if I've known her my whole life.

At the same time, I can't wait to learn everything I don't know about her.

There's always this strange line of familiarity and novelty that we tend to dance between, but I would honestly not have it any other way.

It's like I get to enjoy all the newness of a brand-new relationship with all the comfort of one that's lasted for decades.

I feel like I'm so old and so young at the same time.

It's a good feeling, Dad.

I'm very happy on the inside.

Soon, I will tell Marco and Aura will tell Isa.

That will really help me.

Because I can't stop smiling.

And Marco already thinks I've lost it.

And Marco already thinks I've lost it

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Yes!

Yes, I am back.

You can blame my delay on work and - for the past three days - on The Bridge Kingdom, which I am absolutely BUZZING about. So much so that I called my best friend and wasted an hour talking about it.

In any case, here are your faves, Eli and Aura.

Their adventures await!

Their adventures await!

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