49. Journal Entry Twenty Four of Growing

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Dad,

I haven't been able to write to you about her as much as I want to, as much as I think about her.

Recently, I was telling her about stitching up people's scalps because she asked about it – grimaced and groaned through the whole thing. It was brilliant – and she listened to it so intently, asking questions, like she was really interested.

Later that day, I had to go into surgery, which she knew.

Right before I had to go in for prep, I get a text from her.

Don't forget to leave them in stitches.

It had me smiling through the entire surgery, so much so that I was glad I was wearing a mask.

She does it every single time before I have to go into surgery now. Sends me that message.

It's like my very own good luck charm.

God, I love having her in my life, Dad.

I hate that she's far away, but I love having her in my life, to talk to, to be with.

There hasn't been anyone else who can compare.

I don't think there ever will be.

You can tell just how crazy I am about her and because of her by the fact that I keep walking down the hall to the room where she stayed, whenever I'm home, just to stand there and remember what it was like to be in her presence, just to inhale the scent of her that lingers.

It's pretty much gone now, especially considering the linen has been changed and Mom had the carpets vacuumed and the room aired recently.

Jenna caught me.

Once.

She even took a picture and sent it right off to Aura.

I only know because Aura held on to that picture and showed it to me when we had a video call.

She laughed gleefully as she did and all I could think was how happy I was to see her face, to see her smile, to see her eyes.

There was something different about the way she was in the last video call. I could sense it.

The moment the video connected and we could see each other, I could almost see her shoulders sag in relief. Maybe I'm just seeing things or overthinking, but I do really feel like she was relieved to see me.

Maybe it was the fact that I had to postpone the call because of an emergency surgery.

She asked me all about it.

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