Surround me - the first novel

Prologue - No more thinking about Tom.

Walking away from a chapter in your life is a big deal. The people around you will play it down, "it will be okay" they say "everything turns out right in the end" or the worst one "we'll still keep in touch-we'll find a way". These sayings never reassure me, people mean well enough but there words are often empty.

Seeing my ex yesterday has put me in a mood. Tom's dad's car pulled up outside my house and before my mum could embarrass me by opening the door and asking whether Tom is staying for lunch I pretty much flew down the stairs and sat in the passenger seat next to him.

                                    *****
"Tay" Tom says as I sit down in the car, all time low playing on the car stereo. I briefly wonder if he picked the song deliberately before I turn to give him my best don't mess with me expression.
"I thought I would drop off our pictures from the dance, I ordered two copies." he scowls when he notices the uninterested expression I have plastered on my face. He looks straight back through the windshield avoiding my face.
"Right, you thought did you? For once you thought before you just did as you pleased" I am exasperated. I make my move to get out of that car and away from the nostalgic music intruding my ears. And away from his proximity, I can smell his familiar cologne it's making me feel things I need to forget.
He looks at me with regret, his clear eyes searching my expression for any kind of softness that he can exploit.
"This is not appropriate, you cannot just show up Tom. Okay? we're past that now please respect my boundaries." I instruct opting to stay businesslike or I will cry. The prospect of crying is horrifying to me and I want to get this transaction over with.
"I'm not sure why you think I would want these anyway" I say looking at the pictures. I shouldn't have looked, they are beautiful pictures. Tom looks unbelievable in his picture and he is smiling a natural, easy smile hand draped around my waist. I briefly look at myself in the pictures, unable to tear myself away. I remember my navy blue satin dress and how long it took to perfect my eye makeup and wavey brown hair.
"We look great right" he says finally looking away from the damn windscreen and into my eyes. He is so typical he did this deliberately to get to me.
My first instinct is to bolt, I will not crumble and fall right back in that trap again. "We looked great, past tense. I have plans today I should get going" I cover my longing to be back in that picture with him, feeling accepted and special to him.
He stares out of the front windscreen, again. "I didn't mean for things to go like that. You know that right. You said..." he says.
"Well they did" I say back and abruptly let myself out of the car, away from the memories and the feelings I have been so desperate to put behind me.

*****

In less than a month I'll start a new university, riverbank to be precise. It's not a fancy one but it has a massive new dance centre which made me fall for it. I want to be a dancer. Having studied music for the better part of my school life changing tact now was not an option, so to please my parents Im taking music as well. After all, they invested lots of money on tuition fees and extra curricular clubs, it would be a shame to waste it. And besides my grades were good, not exceptional but not below average in order for me to take up more than one subject. The anxiety seizes me when I realise I'm going to have to start a new college with people I don't yet know. And without Tom, I think before I can stop myself. For now I'm just filling up the time, worrying until September begins.

Rhea is one friend who I will be keeping with me however. Rhea has dark curly hair, caramel skin and a petite frame which she hides in jeans that are slightly too big and cool quirky t-shirts that she finds at stores like H&M. I remember Rhea commenting on my loose brunette waves asking me how I got my hair to grow so long back when we were at school. We were putting on cheap makeup in the girls toilets only to have it confiscated from us in our next lesson. She was lining her deep brown eyes with a black eyeliner as I was layering mascara to my piercing blue eyes. We arrived in French after break, our teacher taking one look at our eyes and sending us to the head who had a box of baby wipes for us to wipe it all off with. I smile at the thought of being a college student who will be able to wear and do as she pleases without being made to wipe off makeup and nail varnish like a child.