Surround me - the first novel

Chapter 88- verdict

"Did he touch you" he asks seriously.
"He just got in my space. I thought it was you at first because he came up behind me and I was shocked at how close he was" I tell him.

"He's a flirt, sorry if it made you uncomfortable" he says. Well that was reasonable response. We've stopped eating for now and be touches my hand across the table.
My head tells me to move away but my heart wants to hold on.

"But you just kind of left me to it that night" I say grasping his hand.
"I wondered where you were and then when I did walk back in I saw Jen with you" I say looking down.
"You're usually so present and available. You just went all distant and cool" I say to him.

"Babe I had you on my lap. I took you outside to ask you what you wanted to do and explain the Jen situation, yeah granted I hit Jay and I shouldn't have done that. We made out in Ryan's kitchen. I wanted you to actually enjoy yourself, I didn't want to be overly possessive. But noted, if you want me to be more there then I can be" he says.
Gosh he is really trying. He's being really reasonable. I feel like he's definitely flirting up a storm with me. I mean with all of the eye contact. However my reserve is strong, I will not let him purely flirt his way back into my life. He strokes my hand, and it feels like heaven after not seeing him for so long.

"I was a little bit let down that you just sat with her. I'm not going to lie. Shes gotten under my skin a little. Like the way she acts around you and the continuous verbal attacks" I tell him

"You most definitely got under hers. It's clear she wanted to hurt you and I'm sorry about that. But you also definitely do not need me fighting any battles for you" he smirks.

"What?" I ask smirking slightly.
"It was really ballsy that's all, I mean what you said to her. That was badass" he laughs.
Instantly I know what he means. My cheeks redden.
"She really pissed me off, I'm sorry but she's a complete bitch and she needed to hear it.
I just figured I had nothing to be ashamed of, especially when she's a complete whore" I say.

He chuckles. Some of the tension dissipates.
I smile and then grab some water in a glass. Check my phone and I realise we've been talking for over an hour. Rhea has messaged me telling me there's no need to rush and that she loves me. She's ended the message by saying go with your gut and a smiley face. I almost cry just at her message. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. I honestly am not sure what I would have done without her.

I look at Matty in all of his perfection. I do trust him, I do. I can see that he did something totally stupid and dumb. And I think he just tried to run away from it. Do I feel he was being malicious or deceitful, I don't think so. I think he was out of his depth and he acted impulsively. I feel like I've reached my verdict.
I sip my drink and work out how to express myself.

"Before you say anything else, I need to tell you that I would never ever risk getting you pregnant if I was playing games with you. I would not move you into my place and introduce you to my whole family. Okay? I wouldn't meet your mum if I just wanted to prove I could get you. I should have told you about that night, I didn't realise it would impact all of my nights to come, And I regret not telling you beyond belief" he says and he's finished. He scrapes his hair back and I commit the action to memory, I want to remember it.

I stare at him; his lips, angular jaw and brunette hair. I want him so completely.
"I believe you Matty, I do. I don't think you can fake the things you said when we were together. I believe you were genuine, and that what we had was real. However why despite feeling that way for me you couldn't be honest with me when I asked you at least three times if there was anything you needed to tell me and despite loving me and promising me forever you lied and kept things from me. I want you to know now that is not okay, and I won't let it fly again." I say willing myself not to cry. His hands find mine and he holds them on the table.

"And I am in love with you. For the record I've been staying with Rhea and Malachi and I haven't seen anyone else. Because in spite of your actions I want you and only you. And maybe I'm wrong for that. Maybe I am really fucking stupid for wanting you." I say. It's not coming out quite as eloquently as I hoped it would.

"You're not wrong. I can prove to you that I'm honourable just give me some time" he pleads lightly squeezing my hands. I can feel the moisture forming around my eyes.

He stands up, suddenly filled with purpose. Standing in front of me, he indicates for my hand and I give it to him. He gently pulls me up to standing.
"I will beg you if I have too, I'm completely in love with you and I can't lose you. Sorry I can't okay. I don't think you want to lose me either" he risks saying.
"I've been focusing on myself too for the past couple of weeks. I haven't even seen Ross. I realise I've been a part of that crowd for such a long time, and right now it's just not the right place for me to be. But yeah apart from missing you at every possible moment, sorry for constantly texting you by the way I just couldn't not make contact in case you I dunno forgot me or some shit" he laughs.
I can't help but to laugh with him. I'm feeling giddy, like I've been starved of him for all of these weeks and now I'm drunk on him.

I hug him, pulling my arms around his waist. God it feels so good to be close to him. Again. He instantly pulls me closer, hands going up and down my back.

I look up at him, he's a full head taller than me."I swear down if you for any reason keep important shit from me again that is it Matty. You are seriously going to have to build up my trust again. And if we can't get through that then that's it." I tell him, he strokes my hair back. Just listening to me.

"I have a feeling we are going to be just perfect babe" he tells me and half smiles.

"Hey so I don't wanna be too like forward here, but please can I kiss you again yet" he asks and flashes me his brilliant smile. How can I refuse that, I've chosen not to be without him. I've tried time and time again to not feel anything for him at all.
I raise my head to his meet his lips, that I've missed every night.
He kisses me softly and I feel my body respond to him instantly. He kisses me with love. I deepen the kiss and he sighs.
"Taylor are you trying to take advantage of me already" he laughs.
I smile and kiss him again sweetly.

"You know it actually would be nice if you'd stay home tonight" he jibes at me. He's holding onto my waist like he used to and he will not let me go.
"I haven't slept in my own bed for over 2 weeks" he laughs.
"Why the hell not??" I ask him seriously.
"You will find it exactly as you left it. I tried a few times to sleep in there without you. But it just reminded me too much that you weren't here." He says.
"I mean it, don't laugh. I've been sleeping on the sofa when I could sleep I mean" he tells me.
I chuckle Lord I have missed him. He pulls me into another hug. I sure hope he never takes his hands off of me again. Ever.