Balconial Conversations

88 // safety

I open the door without knocking, banking on the fact that both Cam and Matty the shakespeare aficionado, are extremely
forgetful about things like security. The apartment smells like it always does, coffee, cigarettes and vanilla-scented candles.

"Cam?" I call, feeling like a 90s sitcom dad: honey? I'm home!

"Yo," the voice isn't Cam's. Milo lounges on the couch channel surfing with a glass of what looks like lemonade. He cranes his neck around, resting a long arm (boys have such long arms) across the back. "Hi, Kat."

Klose stares down at me from his perch atop the refrigerator, and doesn't make a move to greet me.

"Is Cam here?" I'm breathless and silly; he does a double take.

"Yeah. He's in his room being boring." He squints at me. "Are you okay?"

I burst into his bedroom, shutting the door behind me. He's cross-legged on the bed, all tousled hair and long legs and papers papers papers.

"Hey," he's startled but not annoyed. He smiles. "So... how was it?"

I feel the tears and sigh because I hate crying. The defeated sigh transforms into an ugly sob, and my shoulders are shaking and my vision is completely blurred. I stumble across to him without a plan, just to be closer. Safer.

"C'mere," then his arms are around me and he draws me into his lap, brushing the highlighted-notes aside like flies. My side fits snugly against his chest, my legs trailing on the comforter. I'm still crying, shaking, and crying.

I can't figure out why; I got away. I'm okay. But I was scared before, I didn't think he would stop, I though he'd-

"It's okay," Cam says, smoothing my hair and trailing his hand in soothing patterns up and down my back. He's so warm, I was so cold. "It's okay."

I sniffle, wiping my nose on the sleeve of his hoodie. I make sweater paws and let them rest against his chest. "You're good at this," my voice is hoarse as I say it. Torn by tears.

He shrugs, I feel the bump of his shoulders, the pull of his shirt beneath my cheek. "Viv used to have nightmares." He replies, like that explains it completely.

"So she"- sniffle -"got in bed with you?"

"Yeah. She'd always be crying and cold when she came to my room but would always fall right back asleep after some cuddling." His voice feels nice against my ear against his chest. It reverberates through me.

I make a mhmm sound. He strokes my back. We're silent for a good while and I become accustomed to the rise and fall of his chest against me, and the soothing of his hand on my back.

"So, what happened?" He sounds hesitant. I close my eyes. I can hear reality TV blasting in the living room. Normally, Cam would gripe about it.

"Um... Alex..." I let my fingers uncurl, then curl them again. "He's, um... pushy."

Cam's hand stills on my back, the fingers flex in my-his-hoodie. I peek up at him, his eyebrows are carefully quizzical.

"Pushy, as in..."

"I'm sure it's exactly what you're thinking." I sigh, and he bites his lip. It's makes me, crazily, stupidly, want to bite it for him.

"What I'm thinking isn't good." His voice had an edge, he hopes he's wrong for once.

"Then it's probably right."

"Bastard." He says, and I rest my head against him again. The only sounds are breaths, and what sounds like a cooking competition.

He reaches for something across the bed, then he's unlocking his phone. "What are you doing?"

"Don't worry about it." I can just see Gabriel's name above a bunch of blue and white messages. He types something with just one thumb before tossing the device onto the bed. He tips his head down to look at me before dropping a kiss on my temple. It's soft and glancing, thousands of ways more pleasant than any of Alex's.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"For what?" He whispers back.

"This." I can feel his smile against my hair. We fall into a soft, tired (on my part; Patient on his) silence.

"Um, Kat? This is probably a horrible time, but... d'you want to go see a movie with me tomorrow night?"

"A movie?"

"Yes."

"A date."

"Yes." He says it with hopeful finality.

"Yes." I know now. I know the kind of person he is. I know that's the kind of person I want to be with. I also know the kind of people I could be with.

We can... work through anything else.

***
So, Alex unwittingly pushed Kat into Cam's arms. Oh, irony.