killing time 𖥻 TOMMYINNIT

XI. couldn't fathom

the first thing that iris had done after getting home from her drivers test was cry. the second thing she'd done was picked herself off the bathroom floor and dragged herself to her piano, pressing the keys roughly, loud, ugly noises coming from the instrument.

she'd been so excited to be able to drive properly. she drove tommy home for the first time, and what should have been a celebratory event, was tensely silent the entire time. tommy tried to talk to her, but iris didn't feel like talking. she gave herself rougly one hour of just straight moping, and then picked up her pen and started writing.

the words came easily, and she had a vague melody that she felt fit. this was the fastest she'd ever written a song before, usually it took a couple of days. this one took less than three hours and by the time her mum had gotten up for work she was fairly satisfied with how it was going. iris's mother was walking towards her daughter's door to check on her before she left, but she was greeted with the muffled sound of piano and iris singing sofly. she smiled to herself and decided to leave her be, knowing iris didn't like to be interrupted during her creative process.

"and i don't believe you when you say i did nothing wrong. today i drove through the suburbs 'cause i couldn't fathom loving no one else."

tommy had debated texting her. he knew iris delt with big emotions by herself, with her music, and that she'd come to him when she was ready. but at the same time he worried that by giving her space he was showing her he didn't care about her. at this point he didn't care if his crush was discovered. he'd rather iris know he liked her like that, than for her to think that her best friend didn't give a shit about her.

he didn't want her to feel the way jack had made her feel. her last boyfriend had been tommy's least favourite. he'd despised tommy, and the feeling was extremely mutual. jack would take any excuse to crash his hangouts with iris, claiming that it made him uncomfortable her best friend was a guy, even though his best friend was a girl. tommy had barely spent a moment alone in the months that iris and jack dated, and it had almost ended their friendship.

of course, just as they were both entering a good place with their lives, he had to show up again. he'd been at the petrol station across from the dsa, and he and his new girlfriend had stopped by to say hi when they'd seen iris. said new girlfriend also happened to be jack's best friend kayla, the one he assured iris she didn't have to worry about for months. the one he started dating less than three weeks after he and iris had broken up.

it had been a few hours since iris had taken him home. they'd been borrowing his dad's car, so she walked home. he offered to walk her home and watch a movie with her, but she'd shaken him off. he was worried about her. he sent her a text and waitied 20 minutes. then he sent her another one. it was nearing dusk when he put on his hoodie and was making the journey to his best friend's house.

her brother was up in his bedroom, and their mum had already left. tommy let himself, locking the door behind him. he could hear the keyboard gently from iris's bedroom, and he knocked gently, opening the door. iris was sitting on her creaky old piano bench, right underneath her extremely outdated taylor swift calendar. she was fixing her sunglasses, blonde hair in a choppy bob that had been hanging in her room for nearly six years.

iris looked up, and offered him a small smile. tommy knew she didn't want to talk, but he wanted her to know he was there to listen. he took a seat on her bed, kicking his dirty white converse off onto the rug with two small thuds, pulling his knees to his chest as he rested his back on the wall. polaroids crinkled as his back connected delicately with them, and iris didn't even say anything; she knew the section he was covering happened to be dedicated to her rather unfortunate love life. "can i hear it?" he nodded towards the piano.

iris didn't miss a beat, fingers travelling deftly across the keys and filling the room with music.

— AUTHOR'S NOTE
fun fact i had this exact same calendar back in 2016 i was obsessed with it