killing time 𖥻 TOMMYINNIT

XXI. kill the vibe

iris had never been so nervous to go over to tommy's house. ranboo was still at home, ready and waiting on the off-chance things went bad. she didn't think they would, but her anxiety had been nagging at her whenever she even considered seeing tom again.

sarah let her in without issues, offering her a kind smile as she made her way up to tommy's bedroom. she felt bad showing up unannounced, but tommy still hadn't read any of her texts.

she'd checked compulsively that he wasn't live, and sarah had said he hadn't told her about filming anything that day, so she knocked gently on his door, hearing him yell back to come inside.

he softened at seeing her, sitting at his desk with his email open. "hi,"

"can i come in?" iris's voice was shaky, and tommy offered her a smile. "i'm sorry i didn't call and ask if i could come over, i felt like you wouldn't have picked up."

"i would have." he moved over to go sit on the bed, gesturing for her to sit beside him. he hadn't seen her in a long time, and he felt his chest all but caving in at the sight of her.

she already felt like crying, and they hadn't done anything yet. "i'm sorry, tommy."

he'd been steadfast in his annoyance at her, but seeing her in front of him, he was immediately ready to forgive her. "it's okay."

"no, it's not." she shook her head.

"i ghosted you because you got a boyfriend," tommy shook his head. "that was a dick move, you just... you don't understand how much fucking hate that guy. he's such a prick, iris, and i know he's your boyfriend and-"

"he's not," she interrupted softly. "we broke up last week." she laughed pathetically. "again."

"are you okay?" he moved closer to her but she retreated back in on hersel and he stilled. "i'm sorry i just sad a bunch of shit about him, that sucks. are you alright?"

"i broke up with him," she let out another laugh. "first time, woo," she shook her head. "i'm sorry,"

"why did you even get back with him?" tom asked. even if it was just the fact that iris was dating a guy he hated, he could handle that. it had happened before, tommy had never met a boyfriend of iris's that he actually liked, which was making a lot more sense lately.

jack, however, was the worst one. he'd hated that tommy and iris were friends, and whenever they hung out he would treat her like shit about it. watching someone like iris, one of the nicest girls he knew, get consistently talked down to by someone that she just wanted love from.

eventually, trying to appease him, iris drifted away from tommy in attempts to solve her relationship. that period that lasted months with iris avoiding tommy. all for that to end with him dumping her and almost immediately started dating his female best friend.

their friendship had survived that, but when iris had gotten back together with him after it had almost completely cut them off from each other, it had really hurt him.

tommy loved iris, at the very least in a platonic manner. she was his best friend, and he couldn't lie to himself that he definitely liked her a bit more than friends.

"it wasn't... him." she struggled to find the words. "it could have been anyone. well, not really-" she let out a breath of air, pulling her knees to her chest. "i don't know if you know this, tom, but you have a lot of people constantly looking at you and your life, and your friends," she gestured to herself, feeling the familiar sting of tears at her waterline. "and you know how i feel about... me, and all of that, and there was just this voice in my head remininding me of the fact that i have been dumped by literally ever guy i have ever dated. and i guess it didn't bother me during the pandemic because no one was going outside, and i didn't have to worry about us being seen together or anything, so i kind of didn't have to think about my anxiety and insecurity to do with everything."

watching iris cry was one of tommy's least favourite things to do, but if she was feeling comfortable enough to tell him about how she was feeling, there was no way he was going to interrupt her. he shifted forwards, crossing his legs. iris looked up at him through shiny eyes, and he resisted the urge to reach out for her again.

"and then lockdown lifted, and suddenly we're back in school and y'know, every time you go outside someone recognises you, and that means that i can't go outside with you anymore, and that means if you want to hang out with me, you can't be making content. so i've just been this..." she sniffed angrily at herself. she didn't know why she couldn't stop crying, and it was ruining the moment. she couldn't focus on forming a coherent sentence if she couldn't see. "hinderance," she decided on eventually. "on you, and on your friends, and i guess i had this feeling like i didn't deserve anyone. 'cause like, i was broken up with by every single person i ever dated, what was to stop you from leaving me as well? so i guess, when jack came crawling back to me, i kind of took it as proof that maybe i wasn't..." god, she sounded stupid. "unloveable?"

they sat there in silence for a few moments, inches apart on tommy's bed. tommy's fingers twitched towards her, but he didn't make any moves.

eventually, he spoke up again, making sure she was looking him directly in the face. "iris, i love you more than i love any other person, except maybe my mum." iris cracked a smile, and he kept going. "you have been my best friend for my entire life, and if you think i could ever abandon you for fucking twitch followers, then i clearly have not done a good enough job at showing it. you're the most important person in my life, and while i know myself, and my viewers love having you on the channel, i also know that i wouldn't love you any less if you decided you didn't want to be anymore."

he was statue still, and iris took a deep breath before moving forward and clasping his hand in hers. he took that and shuffled closer, so their knees were touching.

"i think i need some new friends," iris admitted with a laugh. "you guys are lovely, but i think i need some people who maybe aren't on their youtube grind,"

"i think that's a good idea," tom nodded. "you kill the vibe."

she pushed him away and he laughed, reaching out for her hand again. "dickhead."

"i love you," tommy said hopefully.

iris wouldn't know this, but that statement was more loaded than he'd meant it to be.

iris squeezed his hand, and, in an equally loaded statement replied, "i love you more."

— AUTHOR'S NOTE
look at me updating two (2!!!!) times in one month. i might as well be speedrunning. nice reconciliatory chapter between our beloved swingsduo as an apology for being absent recently <3