State of Grace [E.Diaz]

Tick Tick Boom

Tick Tick Boom

TW- Hint of Self Harm

HER BROWN EYE's scanned the room, she could feel her body was numb, she hated the beige color of the room, it made her uneasy, it was not her choice to go to therapy, but the department made her do it. If she had it her way she would have hidden her pain away and washed it away with alcohol. She fiddled with her jacket sleeve, they always kept the air conditioning high, she thought it was their tactic to make her wanna open up more, unfornatually for her therapist she lived in Flordia with a box fan running around year-round. 

"Josie." A soft voice snap's her out of her thoughts. "Are you still with me?" Her therapist, Bill Higgin's, a man in his late fifties with a curly black mop top and soft goatee, she had been seeing him for the last five year's. 

"Yeah uh, I am." Josie reassure's him, Liar, she think's, that voice alway's came back when the numbness did.  "Have you been sleeping well lately?" He ask's her. 

"Whenever you work my job you and sleeping are pretty familiar with each other." She tells him, another lie, good job, she shakes her thoughts away. "And your nightmares, how are those?" Dr Higgin asks. 

"Uh nothing too awful, you know having the bad dream of you falling off a pier into coral waters."She deflects's, her nightmares would come and go, but they all had one thing in common, water, bloody water, horrible muddy water.  

"And any trouble at work?" He asks her, she shakes her head. "None recently, I mean we have these new orders where we are assigned firehouses. " She recalls, he writes down the information on a small blue notebook. 

"Oh and how do these new orders make you feel?" He asks her, she sighs crossing her leg over her knee, fucking useless, and like a bystander, she shrug's her shoulders nonchalantly. 

"I feel good, not the first time we get a weird order from the city." She says, he nods his head, Josie could tell from his pierced lip's that he seemed to believe her, or was masking it to seem like he was believing her. 

"And the house you're assigned to their treating you well?" He asks, she nods her head. "Yeah they're nice, nothing I haven't seen before." She says. 

"No call has upset you recently has it?" He wonders, she shrugs. "None too crazy, I mean it is Los Angl we get crazier call's every other day." She laughs, and he chuckles in agreement. 

"Can't argue with that." He says writing down her words. "What about you, how have you been feeling lately?" Bill asks her, she sighs like the weight of the world is in my hands, she think's. 

"Tired, I've been coming home late I can't get to my bed so I pass out on the couch," Josie admits truthfully, he nods writing down her statement. 

"Would you say that's physical exhaustion or mental exhaustion?" He questions, she felt her hair stand up on her neck, and goosebump's up and down her arms. "I think physical."