We Were Villains

20

Trigger warning:
Mention of self-harm.
Sexual violence.

The morning sun filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room. Yet, as I lay tangled in the sheets, every inch of my body felt as heavy as the weight of my emotions. It was as though I had fought battles throughout the night, both within myself and in my dreams.

My eyes, swollen from hours of tears, struggled to open against the encroaching dawn. The remnants of heartache and sorrow clung to me. The mere thought of facing the day ahead was an overwhelming prospect, a journey I lacked the strength to embark upon.

I dragged myself to sit up, each movement an arduous task. The lack of restful sleep weighed me down, a constant reminder of the turmoil that had kept me awake. My body ached, my limbs protesting any attempt to rise. The world beyond the windows seemed distant, a place where normalcy reigned—a concept that felt foreign and out of reach.

With a heavy sigh, I swung my feet to the floor, planting them on the cold surface as if testing the waters of a turbulent sea. The echo of my racing heartbeat reverberated in my ears, matching the rhythm of the clock ticking on my nightstand. As I tried to steady my breathing, the exhaustion that had seeped into my bones became palpable, a force that threatened to pull me back into the depths of my unrestful slumber.

A knock at the door made me had me scrambling back into the bed and under the covers. "Alessia?" Angelo called softly from the hallway. "Are you awake, Lessie?"

I sighed, not wanting to ignore him. "Yeah," I called, "I'm awake."

"Are you decent? I need to talk to you before I go to work."

"Come in," I said meekly, rubbing my knuckles into my eyes. Angelo opened the door and peered around it, smiling.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your sleep," he said, striding to my desk chair and sitting, "but we have to have a conversation about ... yesterday, about what happened yesterday."

"Angelo, I don't want-"

"I know, baby girl," he murmured, shifting in the chair, "but we have to. I will listen to everything and I will be here for you, no matter what."

"I- I do appreciate that, Angie," I said, smirking when he narrowed his eyes at me. "But I don't want to talk."

He sighed, closing his eyes before glancing at me, perplexed. "I know you don't, Alessia, but it is something that I cannot let go."

"Mattia is pushing the matter, isn't he?" I snapped. "Can't he mind his own business?"

Angelo chuckled but sobered quickly. "He's worried about you, Lessie. Mattia - he's got this overprotective side to him when it comes to the people he loves. He loves you, Alessia, and so does Luca. And I love you with my whole heart."

I wanted to say it back, but my mind got too panicked. The words got stuck on my tongue. Angelo didn't notice, he kept on talking. "No one wants to have a difficult conversations, Lessie."

Should I tell him?

"How about I ask questions and you answer what you can, does that sound fair?" I swallowed and knew I wouldn't get out of talking about my cutting.

"Are you going to talk about it with Mattia?"

"No, not unless you want me to," he said. "I won't tell anyone of our conversation unless you want me too, and I can only imagine how hard it can be to talk about ... about your self-harm, but I also need to know so I can ensure your safety."

I nodded, wringing my hands. "Okay."

Angelo rubbed his face with hid hand and gave me a gentle smile before asking me questions but the one I couldn't answer, or answer truthfully. "Can you tell me a little about when and why you started to self-harm?"