SOMETHING STUPID - JAMES MAGUIRE

047

Nora lightly knocked on the door of her dad's room. 

She heard a muffled voice tell her to enter and she slowly did. The room was dark, but she could see the outline of her dad. She reached over to the light switch, bringing some brightness to the room. 

Her dad laid on his bed, not crying, but just staring up at his ceiling. 

Nora laid down with him, following his line of sight. 

"We're probably not going to see much of Cara anymore" Cillian admitted. 

"I put that together" Nora stated 

"Did she tell you what happened?" Cillian asked, not turning his head. Nora was worried for him, never seeing him this quiet before. 

"She said some stuff about never moving in together" Cillian nodded his head 

"That's pretty much it" 

The two continued to stare at the roof in silence. Nora didn't know if it been 10 secs, 10 minutes or somewhere in between but she was itching to ask her dad some questions 

"Why?"

That's all she asked, a simple one word question. 

"I couldn't handle it" Cillian admitted "I guess I was scared" 

"Of Cara moving in?" 

"No, of Hugh" 

His words caught Nora off guard and she sat up. Cillian joined her, a guilty look on her face 

"Wait Hugh?" She clarified and he nodded "Look I get the kid has a lot of energy but I dind't think you hated him that much"

Cillian instantly shook his head "No it's not that" 

"Then what-" 

"I'm sacred of being responsible for him, of being his dad" Cillian finally admitted. "I mean if the two of them move in then I'm going to have to truely step up as a figure in his life and I don't think I'm capable of that. I don't have the best track record" 

Nora frowned at this. "But you've been so good dad. You always support me and you help when I need it. I wouldn't be going to my dream university if it wasn't for you helping me" She tried to encourage the man 

"Yeah but that's all been the last 3 years of your life, think about the other 15"

Nora didn't often reflect on that time of her life. It was hard to imagine that cold, uncaring working man her father had been for so long was the same man that sat in front of her. She didn't like to dwell on all the nights she spent alone, or times she used the Quinn's as a fill in family or Michelle as a means to vent of her sadness.

"Besides" Cillian continued "I started being your father when you were already a teenager, most of the work was done. I just have to feed you dinner every other day and keep you from doing too many drugs. Hugh is still a kid, I don't know how properly take care of one."

 Nora thought for a second. She felt bad that her father felt this way, that she had never noticed his fears of parent hood. 

"So your sacred cause you don't know how to be a parent" Nora clarified "I guess so" Cillian breathed out. 

"Well congratulations, you're now like everyone else" 

Cillian whipped his head around not expecting that to be the reaction from his daughter 

"Da I have talked to Mary like a million times about having kids for the first time. No one knows what they're doing, that's why you gotta be open to learning"