FAR FROM ERIS • FreenBecky •

NINE

And the water would return to that place

with all the memories and the lives that were not lived.

The lights of that small town blinked like hundreds of candles in the darkness. It was a rather pleasant place, nothing like the city Freen came from where everything was overwhelming and strangely impersonal; you could get lost within that city without ever finding yourself again. However, when she decided to leave, something inside her heart led her to where she is today; that small place to the south of almost everything, where the sunsets at the harbor and the smell of damp wood in the bars always accompanied her. That was where Freen found the peace she had lost in that gigantic city where she shattered into pieces. And today, that peace seemed to be disturbed after the support group meeting. It wasn't the effect she expected, honestly. She thought that by attending that night, it would relieve that pressure in her chest, but since Becky intervened in the meeting, that sensation had been increasing to the point of needing to go out and breathe.

Whenever someone talked about suicides, she felt as if a house of cards collapsed inside her, but never like that night. The truth is, she didn't know why everything revolving around Becky had her so upset.

-Freen?- It couldn't be. Her blood froze, and she remained stuck in the same position. -Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'd better go,- the girl said as she took several steps backward.

Freen, what are you doing? React.

-No, no, Becky, wait,- she finally managed to move and turned to look at her. -Excuse me, I was a bit out of coverage- she said. Their eyes clashed in what could have seemed like hours. Silence seized the moment, though it wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, and Becky assumed it was her job to start a conversation since Freen seemed not to have regained the signal yet.
-Patty was very excited when I gave her your book- she said, trying to break the silence.
-Really?- Freen's eyes lit up, and Becky smiled, seeing how she seemed to return to reality.
-She really did. She spent a long time talking about how talented you were and how proud she was that you had finally made it- she said as she watched Freen lower her gaze to the ground and put her hands in her pants pockets.
-Well, Patty always saw me in a very good light. I think she's somewhat blinded by affection -
-The book is wonderful- Becky said without thinking about the words coming out of her mouth. Freen slightly parted her lips in surprise.
-Have you read it already?- It had only been ten hours since she gave it to her at the flower shop. Was that a blush on Becky's cheeks
-Yes, well, I'm quite a fast reader- she coughed, -I ran out of paint and had nothing to do, so I read it this afternoon- she lied. -Oh. Wow,- Freen was really surprised. -So, you liked it- she raised an eyebrow.
-A lot, yes- Becky hadn't planned on selling herself like that, but she had some verbal incontinence. So, she couldn't take back what she had said. -How are you?- she asked, trying to divert the conversation from the book she had practically bought in secret to anywhere else. -You left the meeting very quickly-
-Yes, I know,- Freen sighed -I'm fine, it's just that... I needed to breathe-
-Breathing is important- Freen smiled. -I'm serious about it- Becky continued -You would be surprised how many times I've ended up dizzy from forgetting to breathe. It's not as obvious as people think. It's like blinking, you know? Now you can't stop being aware that you blink-
-Totally. In fact, I don't think I can sleep thinking about breathing and blinking- said Freen. Anyone else might have not interpreted that comment as a joke, but not Becky. Becky wasn't just anyone. Becky laughed with her, showing her three dimples and dragging one of her feet over the asphalt. That made Freen feel a warmth in her chest that she hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe because it had been too long since she had felt like she was interacting with another person smoothly and naturally. Had she been connecting with Becky?
-Then don't be surprised if your ears ring at night. It'll be me breathing and blinking, thinking of you and unable to sleep- wait, Freen, what are you saying?
-Well, for now, I'm okay with you thinking about me like that- Becky thought, surprisingly holding back her verbal incontinence this time -I brought you this- she said, taking a little package made of napkins from her bag. -Since you left so quickly, I thought maybe you'd like it for the way home- Freen took the wrapper to uncover a pile of Charlotte's cookies. She smiled. Suddenly she was hungry and didn't understand how Becky could hit the nail on the head with things she didn't even know were happening to her.
-Becky...- she looked up to meet her brown eyes again -thank you. You didn't have to bother-
-It's no trouble- they remained silent for a few seconds. The conversation seemed to have ended, yet neither of them made any move to leave their spot.
-Well, I think I should go home,-
-Would you like to come help me at the flower shop?- Becky suddenly interrupted. Once again, damn incontinence.
-Sorry, what did you say? The flower shop?- -Yes, well, I mean, if you want. I'm not going to open it yet, I need to move things and paint some damp spots and all that,- Becky said. For the first time since she had spoken to her that morning, the girl seemed nervous.
-Oh. Well, I don't know. I have to stop by the bookstore and take care of some things tomorrow- Freen, you're a coward, what are you saying, why are you making excuses? -Ah, okay, don't worry, it's fine. I just thought you might like to be around there. Patty told me you really liked the place- she lied again. Patty hadn't told her anything, but Becky was already completely out of control; like a vending machine of lies.
-Yes, I love it. It's just that, you know, I don't think I can. But thanks for the invitation. Maybe another day?- Freen asked, feeling disconnected from the universe again. It had been nice while it lasted.
-Sure, of course. No problem,- Becky said, starting to walk away backward. -You know where to find me.- She smiled and put her hands in the back pockets of her pants as she turned around and started walking down the street. -Good night, Freen-

Freen was left with the word in her mouth, not knowing if she should add anything else to that terrible end of the conversation, of which she was one hundred percent responsible. She watched as Becky walked away in the distance still with her hands in her pockets, not understanding why that girl seemed so familiar even from behind.

-It's okay,- Becky repeated under her breath as she walked away, shaking her head slightly. That was also a lie. She was going to have to lie a lot from now on.

*