FAR FROM ERIS • FreenBecky •

TWENTY - SEVEN

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Freen didn't want to feel that disappointment. She was mad at herself for feeling it because that meant she had certain expectations. -Expectations about what, Freen? You've been acting like a jealous teenager all day; what did you expect? That she would stay with you all night on the rug in front of the fireplace?- she thought.

She finally left Irin at her bedroom door and, much to her regret, went into her room to go to sleep. She didn't even get to see Becky enter her room; maybe she could have made some gesture or simply grabbed her arm and asked her to go out looking for bears with her. But nothing. Becky had gone to bed, and now she felt terribly bad.

She entered her room and turned on the light as she rubbed her eyes. The four beers were making her head spin. She rubbed them so hard that it took her a moment to focus on the unidentified object on the bed. She shook her head to try to clear her vision until her eyes refocused. On top of the bed was a white tulip wrapped in translucent paper, and next to it was a note.

Freen,

I'm sorry if I haven't been clear enough or specific enough. But I think what I need to tell you is what you need to hear. Here, planes don't pass by, but there are many more stars. So maybe, if you feel like it, we could go out to see them.

I'm across the way.

B.

Freen felt her knees trembling as she read that note. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, like a bunch of drums muffling each other. Her first instinct was to rush to Becky's door and break it down right away. But she took a few minutes to breathe and contemplate that decision. They didn't really have anything, they had known each other for only a few days, and yet, it was as if an invisible force was pushing them. Freen didn't understand what was happening; she had never felt anything like this with anyone. And one thing was to have fantasies in her head about rugs and fireplaces, and another very different thing was to have that note in her hand and Becky probably waiting standing behind the door less than five meters away.

Freen knew that if she knocked on that door, it would be a turning point, and she also knew that if she didn't, it would also be one. It was a crucial moment, a decision like those that alter the universe. What Patty called carabiner decisions, in her talks about the different realities and how they were shaped based on the decisions we made. Some decisions were simple fork-in-the-road choices, perhaps modifiable over time. However, carabiner decisions were those that, when made, anchored your destiny to that point. And everything that happened from then on was a result of that carabiner fixed to the wall of the mountain of your destiny. And now Freen was understanding what kind of decision she had in front of her.

Becky was holding her breath too much. She knew it because at times she felt dizzy and had to take deep breaths to compensate for the lack of oxygen – breathing is important- she reminded herself. But she didn't even want to hear the sound of her own breath to not miss any detail of the sounds outside. She wanted to know if Freen moved or not, if she came out or not. If she came or not. She was starting to get nervous. It had been ten minutes since Freen had closed her bedroom door, and Becky was starting to think she wasn't going to come looking for her. It could happen. She knew Freen was somewhat complicated and afraid of many things, but deep down, she wanted to believe that she would find the courage for this. She sat on the bed; she had been standing almost unconsciously for all that time, and now she felt a bit tired after the military training carrying materials that afternoon. She sighed. Maybe it was better this way. She had come to the city wanting to meet her, but she didn't know she was going to end up feeling all these things in such a short time. Perhaps, when you rush fate, things just don't turn out well.