Boyfriend for Hire [minsung]

Chapter 22

LEE KNOW POV

In the last few days, Han had become a shell of himself.

Ever since he'd heard the news that he didn't have long to live, it was like he'd given up. He had admitted to me that he had known his cancer had come back but didn't want to use me as financial backing for his treatments since we had barely known each other.

I could forgive him for that...I would forgive him for that since I'd promised him that I would...but now all because one doctor had said it was beyond treatment, he wouldn't even consider getting a second opinion.

"Han, there's a great doctor in Boston just an hour away. Let me take you, please," I begged, trying to show him the website for the oncologist I'd found online. He just stared out the window, unspeaking, and watching the birds fly around in the sky.

His lunch tray that they'd brought him was untouched, and he looked frail. The pizza I'd had delivered for him to eat in case the hospital food was bad, was also still sitting in its box. He hadn't even opened it.

"Han, please let me take you to Boston," I reached for his hand. He let me hold it and inhaled a shaky breath while keeping his eyes focused out the window.

"The sky is kind of like the ocean," he whispered. "They're both so expansive that you're really reminded how little you are when you look at them...how much you don't matter."

I sucked in a breath and stood between him and the window. If that's what the sky was making him feel, then I'd take away the view.

"Don't say that Han. You matter. You matter to me."

His eyes that had been fixated ahead at the window were now blocked by my torso. He trailed his eyes upwards to meet mine.

"You don't need to stay," he told me. "You hired me to be your fake boyfriend, not your dead ex-lover."

The words felt like a slap on the face, and I dropped his hand and left the room before I said something hateful back to him. I didn't want to yell at him right now.

"How is he?" I heard and looked to see Felix and Hyunjin walking down the hall.

I shook my head and slumped into Hyunjin once he was close enough. "He's just given up," I sighed.

He patted my back for a moment. "Go to the house and take a shower, okay? We'll stay with him," he promised, releasing me to take a step toward Han's room.

I hadn't showered in days. I knew I needed to take care of myself, but it hadn't seemed important.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "What if something happens?" I hadn't left Han's side once. It felt wrong to leave now.

"Go ahead. We've got him. We'll call you if he needs you," Felix reassured me.

I nodded and agreed. I stayed to listen, though, as they went in and said hello to Han before I dragged myself outside. I felt blinded the second the sun hit my face.

Had it always been so bright?

I opted to walk the mile or so back to the house rather than order an Uber. Every step felt slow and heavy.

I pulled out my phone to try calling Han's parents again. I'd only gotten a hold of them once so far, and they had basically told me that they'd try to make it here but couldn't promise anything. Han hadn't been surprised but was clearly hurt by their response.

I hated seeing him cry.

It went to voicemail again, and I sighed before leaving the same message I'd left every hour of every day since he'd gotten the news, "Han would like to see you. Please try to make it."

I walked up the steps to the house and was relieved to feel the air conditioning on my sweaty skin. I needed to shower, but first I wanted a glass of water.

I made my way to the kitchen where I found Jeongin packed and sitting at the table alone.

"Leaving?" I asked.

He nodded. "No reason for me to stay somewhere I'm not wanted."

I felt bad for my part in his hurt, and I sat down across from him, sipping my drink. "Seungmin's not the easiest to be with."

"Look, Lee Know. I don't need your pity, okay?" he rolled his eyes. "He told me what happened between the two of you."

"I wasn't trying to..." I began, but was cut off.

"But don't wait as long as he did to make a decision, or you'll end up alone, too," Jeongin warned. He stood and rolled his suitcase out of the room, but stopped in the doorway. "I hope Han gets better. Wish him well for me."

I watched as Jeongin left and closed the front door. The second it shut, I heard footsteps on the staircase.

"Is Han..." Seungmin trailed off. He'd only coming out of hiding now that Jeongin had gone.

"No. He's fine. I just came back to shower."

Seungmin nodded and took the seat Jeongin had been in. "I guess it would be pretty shitty of me to ask you to choose now...given the circumstances."

"Yeah it would," I agreed and left him behind to go to my room to shower. When I opened the door, it nearly broke me to see all of Han's things in their place. I picked up his stupidly oversized sweater that he'd snuck here with him and balled it to my chest.

I couldn't stop crying. The idea of losing him hurt so badly. Down to the deepest parts of my soul, it felt like I was losing a piece of myself by not being able to help him. It shouldn't hurt this badly. Not when we hadn't even known each other that long.

But I couldn't just let him fade away. I sat up and called the doctor in Boston I'd found. Maybe if I could have him at least look at the scans to see what more could be done, Han would consider going.

I left a message and put my phone with Han's sweater on the bed. Maybe if I brought him something to wear besides the hospital nightgown he'd feel more like himself.

The shower was horrible. The entire time I was worried that Han would have a seizure while I was gone or that he'd pass away with nobody by his side that loved him...

The minute the thought entered my head I collapsed onto the shower floor in a puddle of tears.

I loved him.

I loved him and there was nothing I could do to save him.

I pulled my legs to my chest and let my hair wash into my eyes. I couldn't breathe because of how painful the sobs were. My chest ached, and I just wanted to hold him and tell him it would be okay.

Eventually, I managed to stand and leave the warmth of the shower. The sight of myself in the bathroom mirror caught me off guard. My eyes were red and swollen and so were my lips. My cheeks were flushed from the shower's heat and on my chest sat a hickey that Han had left me after we'd had sex.

I touched my fingertips to it lovingly and nearly jumped when a pair of hands wrapped around my bare waist. He kissed my shoulder and hummed.

"I missed you," he groaned.

A tear streamed down my cheek, and I turned around, bringing my lips to theirs.