Graffiti Girl // Michael Clifford

|| 39 ||

I've been good. I've been doing what I should. Working hard to make a world that we can live in. I've been strong. I've been holding out so long, and I don't want you to forget you are forgivin'.

I know you're standing there waiting for me to take it all back down the other road, baby! But I won't let you down! I know you're standing there waiting for me to take it all back down the other road, baby! But I won't let you down! Every time you turn around. Yeah!

All the reasons you believe what you believe! Never seen another truth that's a part of me! Now what I wanna do is show you what it really means to love! What it really means to love!

«Every Time You Turn Around» Daughtry

-----

Michael's POV

"Where the fuck is she?!"

"Calm down! We'll find her okay?"

"She's out of her mind, where are we going to find her?!"

I tug on my roots, willing myself not to hyperventilate, knowing that will solve shit. My eyes burn and my chest is on fire.

"It's all going to be okay," Luke tries to comfort. "She's around here somewhere, and once she sobers up, she'll come back around."

"I'm not waiting around for her dry up! Plus, she could easily just get more! Stay drunk for the rest of her life! The only reason she spends any time lucid is because we're there to shove water down her throat and throw out the bottle!" I scream, moving past hysterical. "Does anyone even know what time she left?!"

"I've been awake since seven," Ashton says. "I didn't know she wasn't in bed, though."

"So she's at least been gone for three hours," R thinks aloud, not looking at anyone, staring wide-eyed at the floor. "That's not too bad."

"It's still not great," Calum mutters under his breath and Luke slaps his head for me.

I squeeze my eyes shut, biting down on my tongue inside my mouth until I feel my teeth break skin and taste the blood. Everything hurts and my head is spinning so fast I can't tell up from down. I'm falling apart just when I need to be the one put together. I give in and let my knees give way, sinking onto the floor with my head strung between my hands.

"I don't know how we can do this anymore," I mumble. "I mean-are we actually doing anything? Even when she couldn't drink, she was never getting better, regardless of us."

R walks over and slinks down into my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck, resting the side of her head against mine. I drape my arm around her waist, trying to sooth her sniffling.

We're all just so tired.

"I don't even thinks she realizes what she's doing; she's blocking it all out. But, I think it's worse than what she was doing before," I explain.

If my voice is any indicator to how broken I look, I don't think I can handle looking in the mirror for a while.

"She's doing what her dad was doing. He was an alcoholic first, then pot, but it's the same thing: numbing. Numbing to the point nothing has to be real. She hates what her dad is doing but she's doing the same thing." I swallow the lump in my throat. "What her dad is doing is tearing her apart, but what she's doing is breaking all of us."

R lets out a strangled sob, clutching onto me tighter.

"Let's just deal with one thing at a time, okay?" Ashton says after a moment of strained silence. He gives us a forced smile, trying to make us feel better, maybe lighten the mood.

It's not working.

-----

Andi's POV

"Right there," I laugh, pointing halfway up my upper arm. The man gives me a look, but still manages to look slightly amused.