I Love Him

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Nov. 4

Dear Alex,

When I went home last night, Sean came up to me saying, "Baby, I'm sorry. Babe, you're my only true love. You forgive me, right?" And he kissed me up against the wall and I kissed him back. He slipped his hand behind my neck and held me safely to him, tight in his strong arms. And my heart leaped because I love him.

I love him.

And I love you.

This morning on the way to work, my limbs were aching and my heart was being weighed down with every step and every thought about you. So I turned and went the other way. I walked to the high school and stood beside the parking lot, watching the kids through the classroom windows, watching the smokers skip class, watching the flag beat against the metal flag pole. Things were different when we were younger. It's like it was an entirely different world.

I kept walking and stopped at the gas station because that's basically where this town ends. I sat down on the sidewalk, leaning on the wall, my head in my hands. What would happen if I got up and just kept going? If I left without you? Maybe then you'd understand.

I heard someone walk up to me, but I didn't move.

"Carrie?"

I ignored Lydia's voice. She readjusted Tommy on her hip and sat next to me, grunting as she lowered herself to the ground.

"Oh, Honey," she said, leaning her head on my shoulder. "It's going to get better."

Love,

Carrie

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