Peter is dumb

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a/n Im having technically difficulties so this is the REAL version

I was sitting at the Gryffindor table at dinner in the great hall with the mauraders. It was oddly quiet at the table so I was thinking about holidays and months.

"GUYS" I yelled, and I started laughing at the mauraders faces. Peter looked terrified of me, Remus looked like he wanted too laugh. Sirius still looked bored as all hell, and James looked suprised.

"ITS HALLOWEEN IN EIGHT DAYS" I said excitedly clapping my hands like a little kid who just got twice their weight in candy. Sirius actually looked interested now.

"Do you guys know what this means?" Sirius asked us in a pumped voice looking at all of our expressions.

"What?" Peter asked confused, and Sirius just glared at him annoyed that Peter didn't get the rhetorical question part of the question.

"PRANK WEEK STARTS IN A DAY" Sirius screamed so loud I saw Huffelpuffs jump in the air.

"ITS PRANK WEEK TOMORROW" James yelled standing up on his spot like a wild animal and of course Sirius joined him yelling hysterics about this prank week. I saw the entire Ravenclaw table groan in annoyance of this prank week.

"Whats prank week?" I asked curiously, and I kid you not the entire, entire great hall looked at me like I grew 13 heads spontaneously. James and Sirius sat down on their seats so softly and slow. "Well.... What?" I asked growing annoyed.

Sirius looked at me as if I was an imbecile, as if I was no longer me, the best motherfucking person there is in this hell hole called school.

"Its a week" he said slowly like I was a child "thats full of pranks."

"Really no shit, why is it a big deal?" I asked even more annoyed.

"It is a big deal baby" James said tapping my nose and winking "because it is the week of showing everyone we are still the best at pranks." I rolled my eyes at their humongous egos.

"Trust me Slytherin we started the best and we will finish the best" Sirius said shoving his pizza into his mouth. Attractive Sirius really attractive

"But I was never at prank week" I said matter of faculty sipping on my apple juice. Sirius choked on his pizza.

"Mrs. Slytherin you should really shut up, you cant possibly beat the pranksters of Hogwarts." Sirius said proudly.

"Oh really?" I asked trying to bait them into saying something stupid so I could destroy them "and why is that?"

"Because you're a girl" Peter blurted out in a duh manner. James hand covered Peters mouth a bit to slow. Sirius and Remus looked scared for Peter. As they should be.

"First of all buddy," I said the word 'buddy' like it was venom "I am smarter, hotter, and more athletic-" I started to obliterate him but Remus cut me off.

"Alex he just misspoke right Peter?" Remus said worriedly looking at Peter nodding at him.

"No I-" Peter started but James covered his mouth so fast.

"So Zan tell me how did you sleep?" Remus asked me trying to diffuse the situation.

"I slept well Remus thank you for asking and how did you sleep?" I replied still thinking about my hands around Peters neck.

"Fairly well" He responded "Did I tell you all about Professor Dumas class and how she gives us no time to do homework." Remus exclaimed.

"That reminds me Lupin, I got to do her homework" I said standing up. "And Peter" I said in a harsh tone seeing Peter gulp in air "have a good night"

He nodded looking absolutely confused but yet terrified. "Bye boys" I said giving them a little wave before turning on my heel.

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I looked around paranoid the next morning in Potions as it was the first day of prank week. I grabbed breakfast from the kitchens to make sure no one did anything to my food. Potions was starting in about 2 minutes. I watched as the Slytherins filled the classroom.

"Zan" my eyes snapped to see Trix standing by my desk "Im bored"

"And I care why???" I asked smiling as I saw her pale face turn into a scowl. "Im just kidding Trix whats up?"

"Nothing Evans, thats why im bored." she said in a duh tone "Weren't you listening?" She asked

"Not really Trix you see im waiting for James to walk-" I started but she cut me off

"Why? So he can ask you out? Wait so you can ask him out? Is it going to be a big ask out? Like he walks in and rose pedals drop from the ceiling and-"

"Bellatrix shut up and watch" I said seeing her sit down at the desk next to me.

"They're coming Zan" Bella said excitedly seeing James and Lupin leading the pack.

"Come on Peter, just switch spots with Lupin, come on, lets go" I urged him under my breath. I saw Lupin stop to talk to Sirius who was in the back of the group. "Yes Peter good job, slowly now, okay. Good job three, two, and.... one" I said as I waved my wand.

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