Chapter 23

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 (Austin)

I checked the clock on my phone for the 10th time. 2:00 am. After falling asleep I’d gotten about an hour of sleep and then I woke up. It had been four hours and I couldn’t fall back asleep. I’m going to be cliché and say that there was too much on my mind. There really was. Way. Too. Much.

 I thought about what had happened after dinner. The conversation I had with my mom. Was she right? Are we too young? I understand her side a lot better now that I actually put time into thinking about it. yeah, my career should be my main focus, but its not. Alexis means the world to me. Nothing would ever come before her. I’d do anything, be anything for her. Its not gravity that holds me to the ground, its her. There was no one else I wanted. There would never be anyone else. Age shouldn’t matter when it comes to love. That’s what I always thought. 

Then I thought about what Alexis’ mom had said to her. And no, I’m not talking about the stuff that Alexis told me. I’m talking about the actual conversation that I over heard. Her mom thought I was going to break her heart again. At first I thought it was uncalled for, but the more I thought about it the more I realized she was right. I may not end up breaking her heart, at least I hope I won’t, but I know that I am going to be stupid and mess up and she will end up getting hurt. And then I’d spend the next week trying to get her to forgive me and make it up to her. That’s how our relationship worked now. I didn’t like that it was that way, but it was. 

Its not like I hurt her on purpose. I still cant understand why she puts up with me. I knew it was only a matter of time thought until I screwed up again. What scared me was that I didn’t know how bad I was going to screw up. I didn’t know how far it was going to push her. I didn’t know if it would be my last mistake. I didn’t know if she would forgive me or not. 

Maybe our mom’s were right. Maybe we are too young. One thing I knew for sure was that Alexis deserved someone so much better than me. Someone who wasn’t constantly hurting her and making her cry. I checked the time again and it read 3:00 am. I continued sitting there and staring off into nothing while letting my mind wander. I may as well come to a decision now before its too late. My first decision was to ignore what both of our moms had said and to do what made us happy. Then I thought about calling it off because she deserved better and I didn’t deserve her. But once I thought that, I thought about what life would be like without her. I remembered the first time I really lost her. The pain and hell that life was. I closed my eyes as the memory came rushing back.

--------FLASHBACK---------

I heard a knock at my door and managed to get out a response. I was too lazy to get out of bed.

“Come in.” I said. I lifted my head when I heard the door open and saw my mom walk over to my bed. She pulled up my desk chair next to me and sat in it.

“Hi mom.”

“Austin sweetie it is one in the afternoon. Why are you still in bed?”

“Because I didn’t feel like getting up.”

“How much sleep did you get last night?”

“none” I said.

“None? How?” she asked looking shocked. Sleeping is a hobby of mine, so I understood why it came as a surprise.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Honey are you alright? Your eyes are red and puffy. You look like you’ve been crying.” She asked.

“I’m fine.” I mumbled turning away.

“Austin what happened?”

“Nothing.”

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