Toxic | Leila & Christian

Chapter 14: Complete

June 22, 2011

Leila's Pov;

Master stares down at me, watching over me, as we sit at the breakfast bar to eat. I swallow the bite that's in my mouth, feeling a lump form in my throat. I look up at him through my lashes, my expression neutral. "May I speak?" I asks and he nods, giving me his permission. "Of course." He's always interested in what I have to say, yet I ask permission each time I want to speak to him. I lick my lips, my insides contract from nerves. I know that what I plan to say next will upset him but I have to know if my thoughts and hopes are correct. I need to know that he does love me, even though he doesn't believe in love. "I really enjoy our time together." I start slow, building up to it. I stare up at him with wide eyes, reading his reaction carefully. "I do too." He says, sincerely. I take a deep breath, then a small smile appears on my face. He enjoys our time together... "I want more. I don't just want to be your submissive, as wonderful as that has been. I want to be your girlfriend, officially. We could go out together and we could spend time with your family. I know they really like me and they want you to be happy. You could be happy with me. I could be your date to all of your family's events like the masquerade. I could stay here permanently, not just weekends. I can make you happy. I can please you everyday. Whatever you want, I want to give it to you. I've fallen in love with you." I confess my love, staring deep into his beautiful grey eyes. Those eyes have seen so much hurt. I just want to make him happy. I want him to let me love him. I can tell he's caught off guard by my words. He looks confused and upset as I thought. He sighs and his eyes cloud over. He's starting to shut down. To hide his feelings like he does with every strong emotion. Anything that's not controlled and clear and safe. "Leila..I've told you many times that's not something that I've ever wanted. You've been a good submissive. I love our time together, but I don't love you." He eyes me cautiously. His words sting and tears form in my eyes. Why can't he just admit the truth? He loves me. He doesn't have to hide from me. He doesn't have to push me away like this. "You know that I don't want anything more than that, a submissive. I'll terminate our contract and I'll find another. Taylor will take you home. You can go get your things." His voice sounds empty, numb, broken. He doesn't want me to go. He doesn't want anyone else. He wants me. He loves me. He doesn't want to lose me. I won't leave him, not ever. "No, I don't want to leave. Please, Master, let me stay. I won't ask for anything more than to be your sub ever again. I promise." I look at him, tear struck, my eyes filled with emotion. He needs me. If he made me leave he'd never be the same. I can't let him make me leave. I'd be nothing without him and he knows that. He would never let me go that easily. He can't. He tells me I can stay and to continue to eat. He's finished talking, but that's fine by me. I got all the answers I needed. I divert my attention down to my plate, and when he's no longer looking I allow myself to smile. He loves me it couldn't be more clear. He just needs me to take the next step for him. He needs a reason to keep me. Forever.

August 19, 2011

Leila's Pov;

I know now that it was wrong of me to ask him for more than what he can give. It frightened him. Yet I could see in his eyes that he didn't want me to go. He didn't want to lose me. Besides, I did things with him the other girls didn't, we already have more. His awareness of my feelings have made him wary of me and I hate that. I tell myself that he'd never do anything to ruin what we have no matter what his fears are but I still have my own fears. I'm constantly worried I won't be enough for him. That I could lose him. I want something more permanent than our contract. A physical thing tying him to me.

When I began waking each morning feeling ill excitement bubbled up inside me. I kept it contained, even though it was difficult. This is what I've been waiting for, the thing I planned from the moment I called Dr.Greene to cancel my last three appointments with her. Christian didn't seem to notice since I usually go to them on the days I'm not with him. It worked perfectly. With all the times we've been in the playroom, the study, my room, the kitchen, the shower, countless times he's been inside me, I knew it'd happen quickly. All the signs are there. The morning sickness, missed period, more mood changes than normal, appetite changes...it's all there. Last night, I stopped by the drugstore and picked up a box of pregnancy tests. Then I took them back with me to spend the weekend with Christian. I watch myself in the mirror in my bathroom at Christians apartment as I open up the box and follow the instructions. There's a short wait for it to process the results, so I leave the test on the counter for a moment as I move to sit just below it. I'm overjoyed as I knock the test into the waste bin along with the rest of the box of tests. I no longer need them. I can't wipe the smile off my face. I have Christian's baby growing inside of me. It's everything I've ever wanted. I finally feel complete.