Sicarius

26. Ophidiophobia

Before going to sleep last night I called Kaden like I promised, I told him everything was fine and that I was tired and in need of rest. That's the good thing about him, we're not very affectionate so being alone is not a problem, being away from each other is not a problem, and when I say I need to sleep he understands. Today, I'm being driving to my Manhattan apartment by Steve, who said he will be returning to base when he dropped me off. apparently, Johnson gave me 1 month of recovery time to get all my exams done and then I could come back into the field if Dr. Rocha considered me healthy enough. 

Steve accompanies to my door but I'm sure to not let him in and see the mess Jose's men caused. I scoop my key from my neighbor and unlock the place. the reality of how much I have to do is overwhelming. there is stuff everywhere, and it seems like there is nowhere to start. I decide to take a shower and change into a white cotton summer dress even though it's fall, but I keep it rather warm in here. 

After hours of putting stuff where it was and throwing away most of the art decorating the walls, I  throw myself on the couch and grab a book from the shelf. Not too far into the page, I hear a knock on the door. I sigh heavily and stand up to look through the peephole. I grab the Beretta from the small cupboard next to the door. however, when I look through I find a sexy tattooed Kaden with smoke coming out of his mouth, his hand on the doorframe, waiting. 

"You couldn't wait?" I smirk opening the door and wrapping my fingers on his white dress shirt, pulling him to me. 

"uh-huh" I pull him inside the apartment and he kicks the door closed.  His frame seems enormous in this room. He comes down to let me kiss him as I walk backward. his hand makes a trip to my ass and squeezes it as his kiss grows rougher. I'm now pressed against my living room's wall. his smell is making me remember how used to his scent I was because now it hits me hard and I want so much more. "I got something for you" he whispers and takes a paper out of his back pocket. it's a ticket for an exotic animal encounter. 

"Kaden..." I take a look at the cover. I've heard about these places one too many times. Like I haven't seen enough wild animals in my life... I just, don't get it. 

"Open it" he orders and I open the pamphlet-like ticket. I do as he says and inside there's a list of different encounter opportunities. there are tigers, Fenix foxes, seals.... I freeze.... reptiles? when I look up at him his face is frozen but his eyes are dirty, dark, musky. "I know it sounds crazy...."

"Yeah, I've seen enough snakes in my lifetime" my voice shakes. 

"No, look... i... well I know you're terrified of them... but I think it's worth a try. in my opinion, you could use one less fear" his words leave me perplexed for a second. I'm still against the wall, his hand is placed next to my head. 

"You want to cure my fears now? who are you Dr. Oz?" I walk away from him, realizing what I'm doing. knowing that this is getting out of hand and I need to regain some sort of control. i can't live like some teenage girl falling in love with a boy and going on dates to the zoo. i can't... i can't let him think i will change i can't put another expectation on my shoulders. i have enough with myself. If i fucking lose to this tumor i don't want to feel responsible for hurting anyone. i don't feel comfortable thinking that maybe I'll have to change who i am in order to be with him. even if we're the same. even if we think alike. right now we're in different wavelengths. i can't stand the idea of decaying while someone watches, unable to fix it, even if i secretly fear I'll be alone through death, i think i would hate more fading away as he, of all people, watch.