Cowboy Take Me Away

Final

It's been six months. Six months since I've seen him. Six months since I've heard him. Six months since I've felt him. Six months too long without him. During the first two months I went every other day, each time with more hope. Then the next two months, I went twice a week. These last two months I've been going once in two weeks, whenever I had the motivation to get out of bed. 

It's been hard. So damn hard. If you would of asked me a year ago if I would of let a relationship destroy me like this, I would of laughed in your face. But that's what happens when you fall in love. I payed the price for it. 

Lately my typical day is waking up in the morning with a headache, because of my nightmares, take medication for it, and then I decide if I'm going to get dressed. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. If I do get dressed, I'll sit down for breakfast and then take Pharaoh for a ride, or just hang out with him. If I don't, I'll eat breakfast, barely talk, and then I'll go back into my room and stare outside my window. 

Some days are just like normal DaKota, ready to take on anything thrown at me and very busy. I'll start to think that I'm healing, but then one little thing makes me think of him, and just like that, I'm back to sad DaKota. 

I've also been helping Desiree and Reese out on their ranch. Over there it is the same as my mood, gloomy and depressed. Desiree has to be strong for Reese, but I can tell she is struggling. I don't mind going over there, because there I don't feel like I am constantly being watched and monitored. 

When I'm with my family, they just stare at me. Waiting for me to do something out of the ordinary. I'd usually tell them to back off, but lately, I just don't care anymore. They know why I'm like this, they don't know how to help me. And frankly, I don't either. 

Today, well is an in between moods day. After I'm done helping Desiree with the horses, I'm going to go visit him, well if he decides to come out from the dark. I mean for gosh's sake I just wanna know how he is doing, is that so hard for him? 

I tucked my phone in the back pocket of my Kimes Ranch Jeans as I walked down the stairs into the kitchen, where my dad was sitting having a cup of coffee. "Where are you going?" His voice wasn't interrogating, but just making conversation.

"To help Desiree with her yearlings, and then go to Jefferson." I say as I swipe my keys from the counter. 

"Wait," He says as I grab the handle to the door. I turn back to face him, "Would you like to help tag the Baker's calves tomorrow?"

"Are you serious?" I ask him suspiciously, because he hasn't involved me in anything lately. 

"Yeah, why do you ask?" He asks me like it's nothing out of the blue for him. 

"Well lately you don't include me in ranchin' anymore." I cross my arms. 

"Well I just thought that if you got back at it, your spirits could be lifted." For once in a long time, I didn't disagree with him. He was right. Getting back on the saddle on my ranch horse, battling the cold, and working cattle with family could really do something for me. It was a great idea. 

"Yeah, I'd love to. I'll see you later." I offer him a small smile as I walk out the door. I zipped up my Carhartt jacket when I felt the temperature of a February day in Montana. My boots crunched on the hard snow the covered the ground. 

I didn't mind winter, but it definitely wasn't my favorite season. I love when the snow falls, drinking hot chocolate, wild rags, sledding, ice skating, and snowmobiling. I hate the crisp cold of it all. But I've been around it my whole entire life so it wasn't a big deal to me. 

I also hate driving during the winter. People are just so clueless when it comes to ice on the roads! When it's snowing, take it slow. When it's not snowing, it's okay to go the speed limit. Don't text and drive when it's close traffic, or in general. Break early, you can never be too careful.