still falling ↠ hunter hayes

chapter fifteen //

Chapter Fifteen

July 27th, 2014

“

        We were an hour from Nashville. I had 36 missed calls, 24 voicemails and 18 text messages.

        "You could of waited till the poor guy could walk," Kadence mumbled.

        "Don’t make me feel even worse, than I already do."

        "I mean, hell that was a little cruel and selfish Asp."

        I buried my head in my hands, “I couldn’t Kadence. He would've chased me. I couldn’t have done it,” I cried, wiping my eyes, mascara covering my hands, “If he could chase after me, begging me to stay. I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

        She didn’t say anything. I knew she didn’t agree with the way I had done things but, she knew that I was right in the end.

        Forty minutes later, I filled the silence.

        "You were right, it does hurt more now."

——-

        Kadence waited in his kitchen, watching me grab random items I’d left around his place. I walked out of his room, stuffing one of his tshirts in my bag.

        "Did you just steal his shirt?"

        "I took his Ed Sheeran album too," I said, not finding anything wrong with taking something that would only break both our hearts further. I gave his place one last look. My mind flashed back to him opening his door, his hair wet, his tan chest exposed. The way his lips felt the first time he kissed me. My heart ached.

        I ached.

        "You wanna move in with me? I just put down my first month of rent at my apartment."

        I shook my head, “I think I’ll go somewhere smaller than that. I’m gonna stay in Nashville for a few days, work out the job situation. I got my first royalty check last week. 220,000 dollars. A chart topping single pays off,” I mumbled.

        Kadence whistled, “Holy shit, gimme some.”

        "You can have some. I don’t really care, honestly." I couldn’t find energy to care about anything. I felt empty, lost, alone.

        She sighed, “Asp, do you need a ride anywhere? What can I do?”

        I shook my head, “You’ve done enough. My car’s in the parking garage.” I gave her a hug, “I’ll call you in a few days.”

        She nodded, shutting the door, leaving me alone in his place. I knew I should leave, go to my parents place and get the rest of my things. But, suddenly, I couldn’t bare to do it.

        I dropped my bag, wandering into his bedroom. I pulled out a shirt from his drawer, peeling off my dirty clothes. It smelled like him. I wandered into his bathroom, pouring rubbing alcohol over my knee.

        I cried out as my knee burned in pain. My wail echoed around the room. I waited for his voice to ask what was wrong. Then, I remembered I was alone and I had put myself in the situation. I grabbed a towel, wiping most of the alcohol away. I looked in the mirror, seeing a rabid, broken version of myself. I broke down in more tears, sliding my leg off his counter. I left the towel on his sink, stumbling to his room.

        I felt paralyzed, my mind such a clattered mess of emotions that I couldn’t move right. My steps came out in spasms, causing me to lean against the wall and slide to the floor. I laid there, sobbing until I couldn’t produce anymore tears. I lifted my head, dragging my broken mess of a person to his bed. I pulled his covers over me, drowning myself in the memory of us.

———

August 1st, 2014

        After four days of laying in his bed, I had enough energy and willpower to gather my things and leave. I shut the door tight, putting his spare key back in its hidden place. I knew he’d be back soon meaning I had to run.

        I drove to a small town in Tennessee, having promised Nick that I wouldn’t drive more than a day away. He said I could send him work and travel back to write when I could handle it. I knew that day wouldn’t come. The headlines were covered with him. Someone had a video of the whole nightmare. One headline even had me on the cover. I didn’t look like myself. Joseph was holding me back in the photo as I screamed my head off.

        I threw the paper away, deciding to sleep again. This bed wasn’t the same as his.

        I didn’t crawl out of the old motel bed for another two days, eating only toast before I returned, falling into another deep sleep.

        My phone continued to ring. I just ignored it.

"