It's Always Been You.

Chapter 17

Sometimes life puts you in a situation where you've to choose between heart and brain. At one side your heart desires something while at the other side the brain opposes that desire.
I'm in the same situation. Even though I don't want to admit it but I do have some kind of feelings for Shahveer. No matter how many times I've tried to forget him or to get rid of these feelings, I just can't. But at the same time, the brain reminds you about all the bad qualities of that person. Shahveer's one mistake has made me not want to be with him.
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Those three months have passed away really quick. Both of us minding our own business, not bothering each other. Sometimes at dinner he would try to start a conversation but due to my lack of interest he has to let go of his efforts. I personally feel like I shouldn't get myself attach to him especially after what he did.
Sometimes, I try to make him remember that the marriage won't last long and only few more months are left. His reaction to my bitter side is always silence. He never argues about it nor does he try to justify himself.
He has stopped asking me about going out for dinner because every time my answer would be No.
I guess he had his hope regarding our relationship after my little melodrama at Aunty Shamsha's house. He must have thought that I want to work on our relationship but that's not the case. I really don't know what got into me that day and whatever I did was impulsive. Even though we didn't talk about that incident, we both will remember that day really well.
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"Alizeh, my friend has invited us for dinner at his place and-"
"I won't go." I responded without looking at him and continued reading
"But-"
"You can't force me to go to a place where I don't want to go. Beside not everything can be attained by force." I blurted out now while looking at him.
He didn't say anything back and just stood there, looking at the ground.
"If you want to go, you can. I'm not going to stop you." With that I got up and started walking towards my room.
As I was halfway, Shahveer hold my arm and brought me closer to him.
"Can't you forget everything." He pleaded
His eyes had some different type of emotion. The one I've never seen before. Even though a part of me melted but I hold my ground and didn't let myself fall weak.
"No... I've tried to but I can't." I said after waiting for a few seconds.
We both looked into eachothers eyes. As if our eyes were trying to communicate. Tears start to filled into my eyes and at that moment I knew I had to break the eye contact because I don't want him to see my cry again. I pushed him a bit harder to free my arm and ran towards my room. I locked the door and sat down on the floor. Tears start to stream down my cheeks but I didn't made any sound. I wasn't crying but the tears just couldn't hold themselves.
"Why Allah? Why?... why did You have to put feelings for the person I want to hate the most." I thought to myself
"Why him? Why did You have to put me in the situation where I can't decide whether to be with him or leave him."
"Either make it easy for me to forget him or make it easy for me to forgive him."
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