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☾
it gets too much at night.
more memories.
"just let it go."
"I can't let it go. how do you not see how important this is to me?"
"is getting justice that important to you? what about-"
"leave me alone! no one understands, not even the people that gave me life."
Namjoon slips into his freezing bed, shaking his head as he also tries to shake out his conflicting thoughts.
the memories lead to thoughts that he can't control, which therefore leads to his feelings going from easiness to pity.
pity for himself and his past.
Namjoon sits up in his bed, not wanting to lose against his depression. he decides that he needs a distraction so he takes the leather notebook off his bedside table, inspired.
inspired by the woman at the zoo. the person who watched him with curiosity, acknowledged his existence and didn't look at him as a wretched or miserable guy.
to her, he was analytical... an explorer that left her a gift.
and Namjoon can't help but think that his second time meeting her was a sign. maybe the boys were right behind the banter and secluded emotions. this is allowing him a chance at love-
but he doesn't know what love is.
Namjoon grips the pen tighter in his hand as he thinks of the woman naturally beautiful. not too skinny with a lean frame. eyelashes long as they touch upon her honey like skin that glows every second. oval henna eyes with mystery.
and his past memories are avoided when he starts to write across the papers in his book, whilst being inspired by a stranger he wants to know more about.
hot tears rush down Namjoon's cheeks as he forces his memories away, the fury and the torment are all so freshly difficult.
the tears fall on the paper as he grips his pen, writing until it hurts. he doesn't want to think, even if it means for a second.
and Namjoon wishes to be a happy soul as he cries himself to sleep, hoping for an impossible life where pain doesn't exist.
in the moon hours, look at the night sky through the eyes of your soul.
gonna show it to you, your window, your time.
you know, there's a lot of thorns on that streetlight too.
look closely at that blinking light for once.
isn't a night view such a cruel thing?
a magnificent sight of somebodies thorns.
someone will be consoled by looking at your thorns for sure.
