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☾
Namjoon praises the idea of love.
he's always wondered what it would be like to fall in love so hard that it consumes every atom of your body, fall in love so hard that it makes you want to wake up every morning with hopefulness, go to sleep with a smile on your face, think of love scenarios that are secret to you.
he wants to experience love in every season, is the thought that runs through his mind when he brushes the crumbly leaves off the shabby boots on his feet, glances up at the trees that have lost their colour from the previous seasons- now nothing but twigs and hollow branches. thus, he welcomes winter with open arms.
but the one person he thought he could've had that with... is taken.
so Namjoon smiles a cheerless smile, passing strangers with lives, shaking off his thoughts about Jia and continues to walk down a shrunken path leading to the park. the park is extensive, filled with people even on a Tuesday. he needs some time alone, feeling every one of his senses and he knows that he wants that time with nature. the ruptured trees, the merciless cold.
Namjoon can't believe he's feeling sad about something other than his past and it makes him consoled.
"the pathway between your neurons has become bigger because the same thought occurs too much."
as he walks along the path, he spots Jia across from him and his heart starts to beat faster which confuses him. he doesn't want to feel for her at all.
she's with her son. he's wrapped up in her arms as she carries him, through the park, the two of them are matching in scarves and hats to protect them from the cold. Namjoon thinks about how it would feel to have a family of his own, how he wants to hug them both.
but Jia rushes past, not noticing him as she smiles down at the small boy in her arms. you're my little baby is what leaves her lips and Namjoon smiles.
he smiles because he realises he's been nothing but a chapter in Jia life, whereas in his she's a novel.
