MOONCHILD ✓

smiling

Jia's explanation

LJ

☽

Jia closes her eyes for a few seconds before looking at Namjoon.

and it surprises her when she feels nothing but compassion and faith when looking at his full bister eyes, his ripped jeans, his bruised hands that she didn't ask about, his smooth, golden skin and the silver earrings in both of his ears.

which is why she doesn't hesitate to speak, "i'm ready to tell you my story."

Namjoon is surprised but he gives her a smile of reassurance with a look that says, i'm here for anything. "so am i." he admits, ready to spill his heart out to her. "but i want to hear yours first."

so Jia sits back, directing her gaze to the falling rain outside of the window as she calms herself in an unfamiliar environment, Namjoon's apartment.

"i was brought up in a culture where women had to do all the work, the housework. they had to be the shit takers from the men. every action, every word was monitored by the man in the house and the woman had to obey in return."

Jia sighs, frustrated due to the stereotypes that were used in her culture, she's never accepted the morals and  values shared in the community. "if my father wanted a cup of water, me or my mother would have to rush and bring it to him quickly. everything had to be perfect."

"my father was extremely strict and abusive. i grew up watching him boss my older brother around, abuse my mother emotionally and physically, her sobbing, ranting with no filter. of course my childhood included me being abused too, if i disobeyed, did something wrong... i had no freedom at all. i couldn't leave the house, go out with my friends, speak certain things and i had to cook."

Jia runs her hands down her face, feeling Namjoon's eyes on her. "one time he caught me listening to music and he hit me so hard with an object that i... had to get stitches for my skull. he lied to the hospital staff! he said i fell and-"

Jia starts to cry but continues. having Namjoon's perceptive presence was enough to calm her. "i wasn't allowed to get the education i wanted. i wanted to be a teacher, to teach children and study but i didn't even get to collect my school certificates! and it's all because of my narrow minded father with his traditional beliefs. my mother never had a say in decisions which is why my father sent me to a foreign country. of course i had no say whatsoever."

"i went to boarding school in Asia for two years with my older brother. our parents left us there, alone and separated. we would write letters to our parents, asking for money, for us to survive and they never once sent a reply to their kids."

"after two years, i got married. an arranged marriage with a younger man." and that sparked up a swift reaction from Namjoon. he stopped his polite nods, his empathic looks and the collision and sorrow on his face went unnoticed by Jia, she had no idea what he felt for her and for him to find out she's married... made him fill with bleak heartbreak.

"i gave birth to a beautiful son, a year later. he means everything to me and he makes me glad that i stayed alive." Jia lets out a sigh of relief. "my husband isn't that bad... he's understanding at times i guess and isn't abusive."

"but my childhood was tough Namjoon. i wish i was born into a different family because still to this day, my parents use me and put me down. they are both selfish, both filled with an unbelievable amount of hate for each other. i don't know why i still hold so much respect for them, why do i still visit them? as soon as i walk into their memory filled house, their ridiculous arguments turn into rage and they use me as their punching bag."

"my mother hates her life, the same life she's been living for seventy years with the same now non abusive man, and she still wants to go to the river canal and drown herself because she hates living. she emotionally abuses me, compares me, cries to me and uses me to no end."

"and my father... he doesn't care about my son the way he cares about my brothers children. i guess he was never content with having a daughter like me." Jia's lips twitch as she gulps. "sometimes i hate myself for always being there for them, being their fixer all these years."

"because they don't deserve me." Jia ends. "i deserve better parents."

Jia tells Namjoon everything, except for the growing lump in her breast.