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Part 5: Weeks On Repeat

        That night I couldn't stop thinking about my family. I knew they would be proud of me because I am still trying to live my life, but some times I feel guilty for living. They don't get to be here because of some monster, and when I think about that person, there are those blue eyes burning a hole into my brain. I kept thinking and then it hit me and answered so many of my questions. It made so much sense. Steven... why he never asked questions it makes his weird behavior make sense and why he is always watching over me. I kept thinking and thinking digging a deeper hole of terrifying thought and then I realized. He is fourteen how could he do this? He has lived here his entire life, how would he of even known me before now. I came to a conclusion around midnight that there was no way for him to of done all of that, but I hate to say that its not what my gut what telling me...or was it the voices in my head telling me different.
        Telling myself to just forget about it didn't work. Everyday I saw him on the elevator and I couldn't bring my self to look at him or even talk to him. When he tried to talk to me I just put my ear buds in and listened to music until he got off. Weeks upon weeks and it was the same thing day after day. Always feeling his protective stare on me was starting to drive me crazy. I could feel it in the halls, during class, at lunch, and walking home. Steven was always behind me when I was going somewhere not enough to lose sight of me, but not close enough to seem like he was following me.
        Before I knew it Christmas break arrived. All my new friends seemed excited, but I wasn't. Of coarse I acted like I was but inside I was dreading it, every holiday will be lonely now... ruined and I blame myself. Its not what they would have wanted and they agree with me in my mind, so this break I am not letting myself lay around and be sad.
        I decided I was going to find something different to do. Something to distract myself from thinking and I did that by getting a job as a dog walker. My aunt and uncle told me I didn't need my own money that they would give me some but when I told them about it they knew it wasn't about the money. Plus I knew this job would be easy, fun, I have always loved animals , and I walk dogs from the upper east side of Manhattan so they really knew how to pay. I walked four dogs for two hours and it was good exercise. Not sleeping at night wasn't helping I got really weak and tired really easily and the more tired I got the more they talked in my head and I didn't like it.
        One day I was on the elevator as usual going to pick up the dogs and as I was on my phone waiting to get off and I noticed the elevator stopped a little too early. I looked up to see what floor it was and of coarse it was the twentieth floor. Steven walked on and I didn't have any earbuds to put in and he knew it. We made eye contact for the first time in a really long time and he immediately started talking. He said something about how he was going to tell me about Ash and how he should not have lead me on. I turned to him to say something but he didn't stop he told me how he couldn't stop thinking about me and how he has feelings for me and he didn't know what to do. He kept walking closer and closer to me. This made me even more mad and confuse than before.
        We reached the lobby and the doors opened, but before I walked off I turned to him and simply said okay while looking into his beautiful but terrifying blue eyes. I didn't know if I totally forgave him yet so I thought I might as well confuse him as much as he confused me. The voices were laughing in my head as well as I was. The elevator wasn't the end of it for Steven though. He was walking behind me as usual and when we were about one hundred yards from the building he grabbed me and took me down an alley.
        I started to panic at that moment everything I thought he did became true in my mind. I didn't fight him I just gave up and to this day I still don't know why. Once we got far enough back he turned me around so I as facing him and said before you run I just want to talk. His eyes were asking me if he could go on without me running so I relaxed a little and he went on. I told Steven that he only had five minutes to talk.
        Steven went on saying that he knows when we met he sent me a signal that he was interested in me and then when he was with Ash it hurt me and that he was sorry about it. He said "Im sorry but Ive just never seen anyone like you before, and I couldn't help get to know you.". During all of this the voiced in the back of my head started talking and I couldn't get them to stop. I couldn't focus on what they were saying and by the time he was down talking they were screaming and my head was pounding.
        Finally when they stoped he looked at me and asked if I forgave him. I didn't feel like fighting or feeling bad anymore and if I just said yes. Maybe I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. I turned around and said yeah I do then walked away I heard him sigh but I couldn't tell if he was relieved or upset but I just kept on going. I jumped when I heard him kick the wall angrily, he knew something and I became paranoid again.
        Over the next few weeks I would always catch him staring at me like he was trying to solve some type of problem. One day I was sitting in history class and the voices started to talk and they were mad. They were mad because they could feel him staring at us. I kept telling them to stop but they didn't listen its like they were in control of me. What freaked me out was for a moment they really were, I suddenly got up turned around and screamed "What are you looking at? Is there an issue?". The whole class looked at me then him then me again and his face turned red. I snapped back into reality and sat down like nothing ever happened. The rest of the day everyone was talking about that happened in class.
        After today I thought Steven would never come near me again but just like the day before there he was behind me going home... watching me. I walked onto the elevator and he rushed on too. Once the doors shut he turned to me and told me he broke up with Ash in an awkward but cute way. Immediately the they started talking to me. This time they liked him, they were telling me to kiss him. I didn't wanna tell him to shut up this time. I didn't know what to say so I just said oh. He looked at me and it almost made me melt.
        Our eye contract stuck and then suddenly he was walking towards me slowly. While backing into the corner our eyes never broke away from each other. I caught a glance of the floor we we were on. We were approaching his floor and he needed to hurry it up. Just as he was leaning in the elevator door opened on his floor. He giggled in a sarcastic way then walked off. This guy really thought it was funny.
        All I could say was there was no way I was mad at him anymore. During dinner I couldn't get my mind off him and what could have happened. I couldn't sleep that night the voices were confusing me. First they told me to kiss him and now they are telling me to not like him. I ignored them until they shut up and by that time it was two in the morning.
        Sooner or later I fell asleep, thinking about the voices telling me not to trust him made me feel nervous. I didn't like how they manipulated me. There were three of them, one was a man, and one was a woman, but one was very quiet and didn't talk much but I am pretty sure its a girl voice when it does talk. I didn't know why my body was dealing with all the tragedy I went through and I didn't know how bad it was going to get or how long it was going to go on for