3

Part 7: He Knows

Steven has non-stop tried to talk to me everyday and it was actually starting to get old. I was over all of his drama it wasn't worth it anymore. After a few more days of this I realized he wasn't going to stop so I might as well just listen to him. The voices weren't happy about my decision, it seemed like they hated me more than anyone lately.
My whole life has turned into a nightmare. I mean when I am awake they make it miserable, and usually when I am asleep I can escape through my dreams but they have taken that from me too. I was scared that by letting him talk to me I would fall for him again. I needed to depend on myself and the voices agreed. That all they kept telling me. My main worry then was how I would just blurt out things. I had formed a habit of it and I didn't know how to stop it. It happens more and more each day, even a couple of times in class. Teachers just ignore it, they think I do it because of what I am going through but now its more than that and I can feel it. Going to Starbucks became a monthly thing for me, it was a way to keep my mom close to me.
Everyday Steven would keep an eye on me. I saw him I just didn't do anything about it. I admitted to myself I still had feelings for him and I just needed to talk to him but I couldn't bring myself to do it. At the time I felt like if I would have talked to him I would have gabe in. I thought I would get hurt again and I wouldn't be able to take it.
On the optimistic side of things I haven't had any issues with my aunt and uncle. They leave me alone and let me do my own thing but at the same time they are there for me whenever I need then. I don't know why they don't have kids they would be really good parents. I am doing a lot better its just at night when its silent and all I could hear were the voices in my head. I was getting pretty good at ignoring them but at night there was nothing to distract me from them and they took advantage of that. There was a hole in my life, a whole made for three and they filled that hole. Its not always  a good thing but they were there.
It was morning and as walked down my steps I stopped at the bottom to make sure I looked okay in the mirror hanging there.  I heard the familiar ding the elevator made when it stopped on my floor. I was confused because it was early and my aunt and uncle already left already and they don't come back once they leave. I turned around to see who it was and I was caught by surprise when a pair of blue eyes were looking  at me, and for some reason I couldn't stop staring at him.
I walked towards him and started to apologize for ignoring him and before I could get one word out he interrupted me and started talking so fast I could barely understand him. I didn't even hear much of what he was saying because the voices started screaming and wouldn't let me focus on him. All of them kept on saying how he would never like me and I shouldn't get my hopes up. When I finally got them to shut up Steven looked at me and said " So are you okay?". I said yes, and told him that before he started talking I was going to apologize for not giving him a chance and he interrupted me again and said "You apologize? Why would you apologize? I am the one who fell for someone while dating another person!  None of this is your fault at all."
At that moment I realized he just told me he fell for me. I looked up and he was blushing and I was speechless. A smile came across my face and I asked "You fell for me?" He walked toward me and said " If I didn't would I be here? Would I do this?" In that moment he continued to surprise me when he grabbed my waste pulled me in and kissed me. Stevens hand moved to my cheek and I practically melted. I pulled away and smiled and he looked at me and said "Wow"
Before I could really enjoy the moment the voices stared to flip out. It was like they were scratching at my eyes trying to get out. The started saying how he doesn't like me and how he still has a girlfriend. "He knows... He knows...He knows" was said over and over again in my head and I didn't understand.  Trying hard to focus I looked at him and said how he had a girlfriend and that we were going to be late.
As I tried making my way past him and onto the elevator Steven grabbed my hand and told me how he would end things with her that day. "Let me help you" he said to me, I was so confused but I didn't care I just smiled and nodded.  We walked to school together that morning but had to act like nothing happened until he broke up with Ash. I didn't know how she was gong to react, but I knew if she came walking toward me I would run in the other direction.
The whole day turned out to be great I made a new friend. Her name was Brook and she was trying out for volleyball too. She was one of the girls that looked at me in a strange way but she turned out to be really nice. I sat with the same group of girls I saw in the hall at lunch and they all turned out to be cool. Brook invited me to her house after school to do homework and hang out with everyone.
The group of us walked to her house together after school. I got to know all of them on the way there. There was Brook of coarse who wasn't short and wasn't tall which was like me in a way. Brittney who was really tall and had blonde hair which was not very common at our school had a good sense of humor. Jay had long red hair and was short, she was quiet and always had a guilty look on her face around me for some reason. I just thought she was shy... boy was I wrong.
As we made our way up Brooks steep porch steps something changed, they all got real quiet and looked at each other like they were waiting for something and didn't want me to know about it. Just as we were about to walk through her door they all stopped and turned toward me causing me to run into Jay. Her facial expression changed, all of their faces changed they were all looking at me like I was disgusting. Brook came through the two girls looked me up and down like I was trash and said "Lets get this straight...your good at volleyball, no actually your great. That is  why your not going to try out for the team this year."  I looked at her and couldn't help but laugh. This was something that happened in movies and I couldn't take her serious. I asked " Do you actually think you have a say in what I am going to do?" Her smile disappeared and she said " Lets say you do tryout and made it. As the best person on the team it would be a shame if you somehow got hurt.".
Then out of no where Jay and Brittney grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down Brooks never ending set of steep steps.  Every step my back smashed  into hurt more than the one before it, my head broke my fall from the last step onto her sidewalk. Ten steps later I was laying on her concrete with my entire body scraped up, a bloody lip, and the biggest goose egg on the back of my head.
I felt like I couldn't move I just saw the blue sky.  A shadow came over me it was Brook. All three girls were laughing when Brook bent down and told me that if i went near the gym again that I would regret it. They all left me laying there and went into Brooks house laughing.
I walked home in a daze not really realizing that just actually happened. Everything was blurry and my entire body was throbbing. Those girls lived in their own world and had no sense of reality.  All they worry about is what expensive thing they wanna do next. They never experienced tragedy and the voices in my head were stuck on that one. The man in my head was the most angry, he always was. Some of the things he was saying scared me. Yes I know how dumb is that, I was scaring myself