An Indescribable Feeling

What is Love?

Anna was a romantic. She loved watching romantic movies and reading romantic books. She loved love, but the closest she had ever come to experiencing it herself was in her imagination with her favourite fictional characters. That was until she discovered BTS.

It was almost like any of her other obsessions. She could watch them for hours, she could read stories about them, just like her beloved fictional characters. However, they were different. The members of BTS weren't fictional, they were real. After over a year of watching them only through a screen, it was a little daunting to think she would be seeing them in the flesh. Anna wasn't sure her heart would be able to handle the shock.

Over the first few months after she discovered BTS, Anna felt as though she finally knew what falling in love felt like. For each member it was different. With Jungkook it was love at first sight. It was unusual for Anna to think of someone as beautiful so quickly. Attraction was something that came after she got to know their character. She first realised it when she watched a movie. In the beginning, Anna didn't think much of the leading man's looks, but by the end, his kind personality made him appear handsome to her. Of course, she found people good-looking without knowing them, but it was those with good personalities that were beautiful to her. Jungkook only became more beautiful the more Anna learnt about him. It was almost unreal how a hardworking and talented young man with such a kind and humble heart could exist in real life.

Yoongi was someone Anna admired. His talent for music inspired her, while his quiet and introverted personality made her feel connected to him. Anna remembered the moment she declared him her bias wrecker. It was during Bang Bang Con, a showing of BTS's old concerts. It was perfect timing for Anna. She hadn't been a fan long when it happened, so she hadn't listened to most of their early music. She remembered being shocked at Taehyung's growl and she remembered Yoongi's performance of First Love. It had been one of her favourite songs anyway, but watching his performance made something click in her and she fell for the talented rapper with a warm heart wrapped in a cold exterior.

Anna could never find the words to describe Jimin, perhaps it was because he was whatever was needed. To her, he seemed to be someone who always tried to cheer up the other members, he comforted them, made them laugh, he was always there for them. To ARMY, a big part of Jimin was his insane duality. One minute he was acting cute and doing aegyo and the next he was teasing them by flashing his abs on stage. At first, Anna had thought Jimin was the picture of pure innocence, but it wasn't long before she had to admit she might be wrong. However, she knew he had a pure heart.

She hadn't been a fan of J-Hope in the beginning. When she first started looking for BTS content to watch, Anna had started with their interviews in America. Hoseok always came on very strong, but as time went on, she realised he was purposely over the top in those interviews and Anna came to know the real Hoseok. She couldn't help but think she could use a bit of Hope in her life. He had dedicated himself to being a source of hope, positivity, and energy for everyone around him and Anna couldn't help but wonder if he had someone to lean on when he was feeling drained.

Taehyung was somewhat of an enigma to Anna. It wasn't until she watched more of their early stuff that she felt like she got to know him a little. He had the aura of a mischievous boy when they first started out, but then he suddenly grew up and at times appeared almost expressionless. She wondered if perhaps he wasn't comfortable with the attention he received. Anna could see that Taehyung had a unique perspective of the world. He seemed to find beauty in the little things. To Anna, it seemed almost as if he had spiritual awareness. He was obviously a very deep and thoughtful person.

Anna felt as though she purposely kept her distance from Namjoon. She didn't want his ability to speak English to influence her feelings. As if being the only one she could understand without subtitles would somehow make her biased if she liked him. However, she couldn't deny that she found him both handsome and cute. In fact, she often thought he was the cutest of the members. Especially when he would get shy after doing aegyo. Of course, his intelligence was evident. Anna thought that he always spoke eloquently, almost poetically, even in English. Namjoon's high IQ was a well-known fact, but it wasn't until Anna watched his episodes on Problematic Men that she became in awe of how his brain worked. She had never found intelligence so attractive.

Jin was the last member that Anna fell for. She wasn't sure why it took her so much longer with Jin than any of the other members. Maybe she found his confidence intimidating, or perhaps she hadn't seen enough content of him to feel like she knew who he was. It took time, but eventually, Anna warmed up to Jin. It began with her being able to imagine how nice it would be to have Jin as an older brother figure. Those thoughts only lasted until Anna finally watched the music video for Boys In Luv. She definitely didn't see Jin as a brother figure after watching that. In fact, she became a bit Jin obsessed afterwards, probably unconsciously making up for how long it took her to fall for him. Jin was an amazing person. He gave himself the job as the funny one in the group, always doing silly things to make everyone laugh. As the oldest, he also took on the role of carer, especially for the youngest members. Anna hoped that he had someone looking after him sometimes too.

Anna liked to believe that she wasn't being ridiculous by considering her feelings to be love, or selfish by imagining herself with all seven of them. She could picture it so clearly: cuddling with Taehyung, going for bike rides with Namjoon, cooking with Jin, dancing with Hoseok, playing games with Jungkook, looking after Yoongi when he gets caught up in his work, and laughing with Jimin. It made her heartache when reality caught up with her and she was reminded that it was only a fantasy.

Anna was worried that this concert could do more damage than good. What if she couldn't handle it when the evening ends and they say goodbye. But she couldn't miss this chance of seeing them in person. She had already waited a year, who knows when another chance would come.

Forget about that and focus on enjoying the moment. You're going to see them in the flesh, be excited and enjoy yourself!

Anna was attending the concert by herself. None of her friends had even listened to BTS and had no interest in going to the concert. To be honest, Anna preferred going by herself. This was her thing; she didn't want to share the experience with anyone else and she was used to doing things by herself.

When Anna reached the venue, it was very busy and very loud. There was a buzz of excitement caused by the thousands of ARMYs who were also there for the concert. Usually, large crowds would make Anna feel uncomfortable, but here she almost felt at home, and instead of the buzz of noise making her anxious, she felt as though she had been wrapped in a reassuring hug. A surge of happiness overcame her.

Relaxed with a huge smile on her face, Anna made her way inside the venue, showing her ticket and having her bag searched when asked, before heading to take her seat and stopping at the merchandise stand to buy a t-shirt on the way.

Wow. Anna was shocked when she found her seat. Maybe she shouldn't have been, since she bought the most expensive ticket she could and hoped that she would be close enough to see the expressions on the boys' faces. Anna inwardly squealed and clapped her hands together, she felt giddy with excitement.

Now I've just got to wait for the concert to begin.