The Irony Of Fate

Part 35

Khushi and Tara were busy packing for their trip, they were supposed to leave early the next morning so they wanted to make sure everything was ready so they only had to wake up, take a shower and leave.

Even though the packing kept her mind a bit distracted, the thoughts of what happened today at the mall kept on coming back in her mind. She couldn't believe how she even let herself fall so weak despite everything that Arnav had done to her.

Maybe it was the love she had for him, it had been there since childhood, and it was obvious that she hadn't gotten rid of those feelings yet, but she had to be stronger, she had to stand her ground, they were just friends now, not husband and wife anymore.

"You seem lost." Tara looked at her curiously.

"I don't know what to do... my life is a mess." Khushi sighed as she stood up and headed to sit on the sofa.

"Why, what happened?" Tara went to sit next to her as she held her hand and looked at her hoping she would share her problems.

"It's just this whole Arnav thing. He has hurt me so much, it's difficult to forget but somehow these stupid feelings I have keep coming in between. I just can't forget what he did and it hurts and I am doing this seven day thing with him God knows why, I am just so confused."

"Why did you agree to do it then?"

"I don't know, I just... quite honestly I just wanted to see how different things would have been between us if there was never a misunderstanding. And right now I'm seeing the difference, he's so good to me, nothing like he was before, he does everything right and it just makes me wonder why it wouldn't have been like that from the beginning. Only if he had treated me like this when we were together, we wouldn't be here right now.

But then I know that he doesn't love me, I mean not that it would make a difference if he was in love with me now, but a part of me just can't stop yearning for his love. I hate feeling this way, all this while I've tried so hard to be strong but I'm getting weaker again.

I don't want this Tara, I don't want my feelings for him to make me weak and make me forget the torture that I went through when I was married to him but then my mind goes back to the Arnav I knew as a kid and to the Arnav he is right now and they both are the same people and they make me fall in love all over again.

But what about the Arnav that I got married to? I can't deny he never existed. I feel so trapped I just don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore. I've done so much in my life since I left him, accomplished so much, right now I have everything that I want and I don't need to ask for it from anyone, all I need is love... which I cant give myself, because love to me means Arnav and giving myself Arnav means forgetting everything that happened between us in the past which I cant.

I know he said he didn't sleep with Lavanya, but how can I trust him? If he couldn't trust me how does he expect me trust him. And whatever that might have happened between the two, I can't forget what I felt the moment I found my husband with another girl on our bed, even if it was fake, in that moment it was real for me, and the pain it made me feel was worse than anything I've ever felt.

I don't even know why I did this to myself, why I gave him these seven days, because they are giving me a hope, a hope I don't want to have because I can never forgive him for what he did to me. I feel trapped Tara, all I want is to feel free, from all these feelings I'm having towards him." Khushi cried.

Tara grabbed her and pulled her into a tight huge immediately, after living together for so many months, this was the first time Khushi had opened up to her, and she could see how much pain she had been through, it was heartbreaking.