Transitions (sequel to A Sinner's Bible) (complete) Book 2

Chapter Eighteen: Full Circle/Blessings

Tay POV

"Tay I'm not being cold, I'm being real. I don't want sympathy or tolerance coming from an insincere place. I want and need people in my life who are sincere and that love me as I am. You and Lisa are those people. You guys are my family.", Lea explains.

I really do worry about Lea. Yes I know she's a grown woman. Yes I know she can be an indecisive stubborn pain in the ass and yes I know she's hurt me A LOT. Despite all of that she's still probably the most important in my life. As much as I don't want her to dwell on the past, I do it my damn self. Now don't ask which past affects me the most, mine's or hers.

Honestly both weigh heavy on both of our life decisions and definitely our relationship. We've both felt alone and not listened to. You could even say ignored. For the most part she really just understood me. But she also made the effort find out what she didn't know or understand about me. No one has really done that before. Lea accepted me, flaws and all. I've done and will continue to do the same for her.

Because of that our connection will never really disappear. Actually the more shit that happens oddly ends up pulling us closer together. Its like were magnets constantly drawn to each other through whatever bullshit that happens. I guess you can call me your typical lesbian. A lot of us seem to remain friends with our exes. Don't ask why it happens cause I don't understand it either. Its right up there with fucking U-hauling.

Lea goes on, "I thought that by telling them it would bring some sort of inner peace, but seeing everything going on with me. I realize that my peace has to come from me. Me getting real support positive energy and love in my life is better for my health Definitely better for my state of mind as well."

I simply nod and continue to eat. I know I still have a worried look on my face, because she gives me a warm comforting smile. I still choose to say nothing, because honestly what more can I say. She's telling the truth. Who wants fake people in their life period, but especially when going through extreme trauma.

If she feels Lisa and I are all she needs to get by, I'm not gonna fight her or try to tell her what she should and shouldn't do. Only thing I'm gonna do is try to be her rock and be there for her. Being present and as strong as possible is the best thing for her right now. Even with everything that's happened, I know she would do the same for me in a heartbeat.

We ride home in silence mostly. I know I'm deep in thought and more than likely she is too. I think of how things were before we got together. We would talk about where we would travel if we could afford it. She said she always wanted to see the slave ports in Nigeria and also go to Brazil. I smile inwardly. I think of how she would start dancing whenever she brought up Brazil and carnival.

Once we make it home I ask, "Do you wanna watch a movie or something?" She says no and smiles softly. So I then say, "Ok, I'm just gonna play some COD then." She nods and leaves the room. I roll up and spark up. I really need to relax. Sparking one and playing a violent war game is has become my favorite way to decompress. I need to take my mind off the pain I'm feeling. I would get drunk too. But I don't wanna get too out of it.

I rarely smoke anymore. You gotta stay alert when someone is sick around you. I smoked so much in the past, now weed is just like a very relaxing drink of water for me; nothing that would keep me for being there for her if she needed me. Another thing I've started to do more is read my aunts Bible for multiple reasons but mostly for Lea since she's getting back into religion.

Personally I'm questioning it more than ever. If God was such a compassionate god, why does he let people get sick and die? Even though I'm deep into my game that question pops in my head again, like it randomly has been doing every since Lea told me she was sick. I then hear Chris' voice in my headset. "Tay, Tay!!! Wake the fuck up Tay. I realized I've been hit and we were being ambushed.