The Sun Will Rise | T Shelby

twenty nine

"A baby? Her baby?"

Angelina sighed and nodded after retelling the latest news to Charlotte whilst on their train journey down to London.

"Yes, Grace's baby. I've agreed to it because how on earth can I say no? It'd make me sound so heartless if I stopped Thomas from raising his child."

Charlotte pursed her lips and pondered in thought. Angelina hoped she'd be able to give her some kind of advice that would make the whole situation better, but so far, she hadn't been able to offer any.

"Yes," Charlotte shrugged, "It would make you seem awful, but I don't think Thomas would be happy about raising a child of one of your ex lovers would he?"

Angelina shook her head, "You're right. I just don't know what to do. I'm still struggling most days, he and I haven't had an easy journey to get to this point anyway, have we? Having another woman's child with us won't exactly make me feel any better, either."

Charlotte desperately tried to comfort her friend. She had been through a lot and she knew that all Angelina needed was stability, so she had no idea why Thomas would impose such a heavy burden on her shoulders at that moment in time.

Angelina hadn't stopped thinking about her situation since Thomas had brought it up. It had only been a week, but Angelina had been staying at home with Lorenzo while the house Tommy bought was being fitted with some finishing touches. She had seen Tommy less in the past week, but he had still made an effort to see her at least once a day, despite most of his time being spent at the house helping to get everything sorted.

Thomas had asked Angelina to live with him while their home was being finished off, but Angelina decided it would be better for her to stay at home with her brother until it was complete. Truthfully, she just wanted to avoid the conversation creeping up again.

Once the train pulled into London, Charlotte and Angelina went their separate ways for the day. Charlotte had some business to attend to for her mother, while Angelina used it was an excuse to get away from Birmingham for a few hours and have a change of scenery.

She made her way across the city. It looked so grey and dull to her now, lifeless despite the amount of people she passed on her way. It no longer held the same place in her heart that it used to. Part of her felt sick on her return.

Angelina paid for a small bunch of flowers from a street vendor and continued her journey, walking not too much further until she reached where she was going.

The rows of headstones gave her an overwhelming feeling of grief. She pulled her fur coat around her body tighter as the wind blew a cold chill, the sky thick with grey clouds that looked like snow was threatening to fall for the first time that winter.

She walked slowly through the churchyard, her eyes reading each headstone that she passed until she reached the name she'd come here to see.

Alfred Solomons Jr.

The date underneath was one that made him far too young to be gone. And the way he'd left made it a million times worse.

Angelina knelt on the ground beside the headstone, placing the flowers gently on top. She sat for a while, watching others come and go as they visited their loved ones that had passed. She felt less alone with other strangers around her, but once the wind blew, she was reminded by the cold biting at her skin that ultimately, she was by herself.

"Alfie," she whispered, clasping her hands in her lap, "I'm a mess."

She hadn't been back to London since the funeral and part of her had never intended to return. The pain that she felt when she thought about the city and what had happened here was too strong to ever be replaced with a happier memory. Though, when Charlotte asked if she wanted a day trip to the capital, Angelina knew that she needed to talk to Alfie, even if he couldn't talk back.

"I miss you dearly, every day it's worse. I wish I'd have told you I love you so many more times, there's nothing I regret more than not letting you know how much you mean to me."

Snow began to scatter across the ground, making the grass sparkle with a white shine. Angelina didn't mind the cold, she would stay by Alfie's side as long as she needed to until she felt comfortable enough to leave.

"It's so hard without you, Alfie. There's not a day that goes by that I'm not thinking of you. I wish you were here to help me, I just need somebody to tell me what to do. I feel so lost without you now, even though I have Thomas. I just wish I could've at least said goodbye to you."

Angelina wiped her tears away with her knuckles, trying to compose herself so she wouldn't cry much more.

"I know I'll be happy again one day, and I really hope that it's with Thomas if it can't be with you. But I just don't know how I'm going to take care of myself, I don't know if Thomas will love me the same if a baby gets introduced into our lives. I'm so afraid of everything without you, Alfie."

She sighed loudly and looked up to the sky, letting the snowflakes cover her hair and her clothes, sticking to the fur collar on her coat and settling across the gold lettering on Alfie's name.

She tried to imagine what Alfie would say to her if he could. She knew he'd take her face in both hands and rest their foreheads together, whispering to her something like 'you will be happy, you will have everything you dream of, and I'll be right by your side the whole time, even if you can't see me'.

At least, that's what she hoped he'd say.

*

"How was London?" Thomas asked when Angelina walked through the door of her home.

She was surprised to see him sat in the front room sipping a glass of whiskey over ice as the fire burned, expecting nobody to be home when she returned.

"Fine."

Angelina hung up her coat and walked over to the fire, holding her hands above the flames in attempt to warm herself up after being exposed to the elements for a lot of the day.

"You went to visit Alfie's grave, didn't you?"

Angelina looked over her shoulder at Thomas.

"How did you know?"

Tommy just shrugged, sipping his drink, "I just had a feeling. Come here."

She took a seat next to Thomas and he pulled a knitted blanket over the two of them, his arm resting across Angelina's shoulders as she lay her head against his chest.

"I know you're scared about our future, I know."

She closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly shut so no tears could escape. Thomas gently stroked her hair, placing kisses on the top of her head.

"Alfie knew I was in love with you, I think everybody did. It hurts me to see you upset, I just want to help you fall in love with life again, Angelina. I promised Alfie I'd take care of you, he trusted me to love you and to protect you and I won't let him down. I want you to feel whole again, and I honestly think that trying life as our own family is a step in the right direction, even if it might not seem like it right now."

Angelina sighed. She hoped Thomas was right, he usually was. She tried to see things positively, perhaps she'd find a new way to enjoy life with a baby. Raising a child with Thomas was something she'd wanted for her life, albeit further down the line. However if there was anything that Angelina had learned since moving to Small Heath, it was that you couldn't put a time frame on anything.