𝑪𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒆 𝑴𝒂𝒚𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒌 // 𝑱𝑱'𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓

𝐏𝐓𝐒𝐃 (𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱)

This whole chapter itself is a TW itself. So please if you are sensitive to any of the following subjects I strongly advise you do not read this chapter.

-PTSD (this one's obvious)
-Suicidal thoughts
-Depression
-Drugs/alcohol (not mentioned a lot)

^ There's prolly more but I can't think of anything else rn so if there is then pls let me know.

𝙿𝚃𝚂𝙳 = 𝙿𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚂𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛

Never trust anyone,
Never let them in,
They're not going to believe you anyways, they'll just think your making it up.

It's funny how trust can screw you over. Backstabbing bitch.

PTSD is the constant feeling of being on edge.

Getting flashbacks at the absolute worst possible times.

When something so pathetic triggers you, like it's so pathetic that it makes you want to scream. But you can't control what your brain and body does, can you?

The constant fear and shakiness. One more bad thought and your plunged back into darkness again.

The feeling of enstangement, nobody cares and nobody believes you. You must fight this all on your own.

Or that feeling when you wake up after attempting to O.D. It's excruciating. It makes you feel like a coward and a pussy.

Or that feeling when you wake up in the morning after spending the night with someone and realising you told that one person way too much.

When someone looks you in the eyes and your forced to turn away. You can not remain eye contact for the fear of people seeing right though you. Or the fear of  people being able to read your mind, even when you know it's impossible.

The countless sleepless nights, worrying that if you let your guard down (even for one second) it's going to come back.

Or when you repeatedly wake up after having a series of nightmares and realising it's still dark outside.

Or having the light on all throughout the night just so you don't have to face the darkness again. Remember "Darkness = Danger"

Or when you have to have music playing just so you don't have to hear the eerie silence. Because your brain likes to mess with you, by tapping on the windows or knocking on the doors.

And the confusion. For fucks sake! Everything just messes with your head and you can't make sense of what's real and what's fake.

It throws you into a deep hole. One your never going to be able to escape.

You get emotional connections to movies/series and that one comfort character who can take you away from reality.

People will always have some sort of beef with you because of your irritableness or lashing out in anger. It feels like they're provoking you on purpose just to get a reaction from you.

But then they go and get you suspended or expelled and that means you're sent home. Or in other words 'sent to hell'.

The meds don't do anything. All they do is make you nauseous and sometimes high, which to be honest I don't complain about that.

Whenever you close your eyes, your start to see it all again and it feels so real and so fucking terrifying. And you can't open your eyes again for the fear of it being right infront of you, waiting to pounce.

So your just stood there with your eyes shut, to afraid to open them but also to afraid to keep them shut for any longer.

Once you finally open them you immediately jump at the thing nearest you, it could be anything: a wardrobe, a door, a coat hanger, anything.

You have no hope for the future seeing as you'll be stuck in this deep, dark hole forever.

Bruises and cuts will leave but scars stay forever. Same goes for memories, THEY may have chosen to forget about it but those memories stay inside of YOU forever.

No matter how much you try to drink it or drug it away it always, always comes back. You can't get rid of them.

The worst ones are the ones that live under the very same roof as you. They are the ones you have to be careful with. They are the one you have to watch out for. They are the ones you may have once trusted. They are the most dangerous...

__________________ ... ___________________

Hey guys, I apologise for this but I literally wrote it on the verge of a breakdown. Yeah I know call me pathetic or whatever but... Yk. I had to get it written down.

I was so hesitant to publish this, it's been sat in my drafts the last 2 days ✋😃

Probably gonna delete this later but I wanted y'all to understand how it feels. It will also help with understanding Cassie a bit more seeing as PTSD is a big part of her character.

If anyone has any questions then please just ask, I will answer as soon as possible :)

Remember that this is just one perspective of PTSD. There are thousands of others.

And also for anyone asking, no I do not have a therapist. I never had one and I never will. And I am not on any prescribed meds, I only take the ones I find myself which don't do shit anyways.

Next chapter will be up tomorrow, sorry for the delay.
Stay safe everyone, I love you xx