Clash Of Cultures

30. Heart Rhythm

Noor

My apartment wasn't a block away, it was more like 5 blocks away. In a saari and heals it seemed like 10 blocks. But I had to get out of that car, away from him. It was a mistake leaving the ballroom with him at all. My skin still tingled from his touch and the sight of him wetting his lips inches away from me. There was pure lust in his eyes as he stared deep in to mine. I would be lying if I said he had no affect on me. At that moment all I could think of was what his mouth would taste like on mine.

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk as a realization hit me...if he had tried to kiss me, I might not have had the willpower to stop him. I had never been this physically attracted to a man. Sure, I had found guys to be cute every now and then, but never like this. This was embarrassing, this was not me, or at least not who I thought I was.

Consumed with guilt I started walking again. Nothing had happened between Salman and I, but I still felt like I had cheated on Omar; the man I was going to marry, willingly marry. I checked my phone to see if he had replied to my text about meeting in Chicago. He had not, and that made me feel worse. I had purposely been avoiding him these last few days. Maybe if I had actually spent time thinking about us I would not be lusting for a man I had no future with.

At least Salman knew about my marriage plans now, even if telling him was a lot harder than I had expected. I knew part of me deeply cared for him, there was no denying that. I hadn't forgotten how I had felt the day he had been abducted. Just thinking about him being in harm's way still provoked anxiety in me. But we had nothing in common, not our upbringing, not our values, not our approach to life...nothing. And I could never trust him.

I had to admit I was not expecting him to look so heart broken either. He had said 'I don't know what I would do without you' and that he would change...for me. Surely, he had not fallen for me? People like him don't fall in love with people like me. Even if they think they are, it is likely an infatuation rather than actual love. Or maybe just a physical attraction.

Let's face it, I too am physically attracted to him. There's no denying that.

Even if he is so wrong for me.

The anguished expression on his face as I walked away from his car flashed before me. Whatever his reason was at the moment, it reminded me of the times I had seen him at his lowest. I still had no clue about how his therapy was going, and what kind of mental space he was in.

Maybe I should tell Kimberly to check up on him.

I was only a block away from my apartment building now and my flimsy saari provided no protection from the cold Chicago spring weather. So I picked up my pace and made a mental note to call Kimberly as soon as I got home and could actually feel my fingertips.

When I finally entered the lobby of my building our doorman greeted me with his usual smile, "Good evening Noor!"

"Oh good evening Ben! It is so cold outside...", I said rubbing my arms to warm myself up.

"Well, that is Chicago for you. By the way that gentleman has been waiting for you", he pointed to the corner of the lobby where there was a fancy sitting area.

Gentleman? Did Salman just drive past me to get here?

I really don't want to see him right now

I looked at the sofas that Ben was pointing towards and a man in jeans and a sweatshirt was sitting there, leaning back like he had dozed off. A baseball cap was covering his face. Ben walked over and called out to him.

The man woke up, startled, and took off his cap...Omar

"Omar!", I was shocked to see him there.