Clash Of Cultures

38. Time And Distance

"Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop." - H. L. Mencken

Noor

It had been two weeks since I had convinced myself that I had to get over my newly discovered love for Salman. That he was the wrong person for me despite my feelings for him. That my life's carefully laid out plan did not involve him. But I had also discovered that feelings and emotions don't come with an on and off switch. The more I tried to erase him from my heart, the more he invaded my thoughts. 

"How is the wedding preparation going?", Kimberly asked as she sat next to me at the noon teaching conference.

"It's going...", I replied, attempting to smile. Something that had gotten harder and harder over the last couple of weeks.

"Wow...could you be any more enthusiastic about your own wedding", Kimberly remarked sarcastically.

"I am excited...I am just very tired. My family got here a couple of days ago and mom keeps dragging me off for wedding shopping every moment she gets. On top of that Gen Peds service is a lot busier than I had expected. So I am just juggling a lot of things at the same time!"

Kimberly gave me the side eye as the attending started her presentation for that afternoon. I had not lied to her though. My mom, dad and brother had flown in to Chicago for my wedding just a few days ago. The wedding itself was scheduled for a couple of weekends from now. 

The entire whirlwind event had been triggered by me texting my mom that I had won the outstanding intern of the year award and that I would love it if she and the rest of my family could attend the award ceremony. My brother was going to be off from school for summer vacation so it made perfect sense to invite them. 

Instead, while I was still on rounds that day, my mom had already told my future in-laws that they would be in Chicago in a few weeks. It turned out that Omar's sister was getting married around the same time, which prompted the two sets of parents to decide that Omar and I should have a small marriage ceremony as well, followed by a larger reception later in the Fall in Pakistan.

I remembered stepping off the elevator that day, exhausted from being on call and the emotional toll that Salman had taken on me. When I called my mom back, she sprung the whole plan on me. The lack of sleep definitely impacted my ability to respond coherently but even if I had just woken up from an 8 hour overnight sleep, what was I supposed to have said to my parents? 

I had agreed to marry Omar, I had convinced myself that despite my feelings for Salman he was a distraction I could not afford to have, and my parents were gushing about Omar and his family and how this marriage would solidify the decades long friendship between our families. So on that day it made total sense to get married as soon as possible.

I was now also back on Gen Peds rotation, the last one of my intern year, and this week we had been at capacity every day. Samantha being my senior resident was the cherry on top. I was pretty sure she hated working with me. I couldn't quite tell why, but everyday she would pick on me for the smallest of issues....I hadn't put in orders fast enough, I hadn't called the consulting service on time, I hadn't communicated clearly enough with my patient's family, and on and on it went. She was literally Salman 2.0, except meaner and more unreasonable.

Ugh...why did I have to think about him again?

I looked around the room to see if he had come to noon conference that day. He hadn't, just like he hadn't for the last two weeks. In fact, I had not seen or heard from him since the day I had sent him, and half my intern class, a save-the-date evite to my wedding. I had debated not sending him an invitation at all, but whether I liked it or not he had become an integral part of my life. And not inviting him had felt wrong. Besides, I figured he could hang out with Kim if he did decide to come.