Mending Broken Hearts

11. Intuition

This is a completely re-written chapter! Please let me know what you think 😊

Madiha

"What do you mean we are having a Nikah in two weeks?", I looked at my smiling father, in complete shock myself, "We weren't supposed to get married till after I finish residency and Jawad finishes his MBA"

"I know, but Bhai and Bhabi will be coming to the US at the end of this month and wanted to make things official. What's the harm in it? You've already said yes to this marriage", Abu replied. 

Ami had appeared in the foyer by now and put her hand on my cheek, "Madi its just a Nikah beta, we'll do the rukhsati later after you both finish your studies. Don't worry, nothing will change"

I stood still in the foyer looking at the happy and relaxed faces of my parents, and the delighted ones of my siblings. Ami was right, for them nothing would change. Yet, for me everything would. 

I would lose the one thing that I had desperately tried to hold on to this whole month. Time. 

Time to decide what I wanted from life outside of the hospital's walls. To understand why I was so repulsed by a man who seemed so perfect for me on paper. To convince my parents that for once in my life I wasn't sure that they knew what was best for me. 

I was out of time too, to figure out why my hand still tingled from an intern's touch or why I could still smell his musk scent and feel his warmth even though he had held me for a mere five seconds. And why, oh why, did I want to rewind time so badly to the exact moment I had let myself go in his arms, and freeze it there so I would always have him to lean on. 

The answer was staring me straight in the face. But so were my parents and siblings as they threw questioning glances at me and each other. 

I shook my head, "I can't deal with this right now. I've had the worst day possible. So please let's talk about this tomorrow"

No one stopped me as I trudged up the stairs and collapsed on to my bed. But the thing about dealing with uncomfortable truths tomorrow is that you still have to deal with them. And the answer to your question may not be what you're looking for. 

Omar

I was back home, continuing what I had intended to do 2 hours ago: get into bed and fall asleep before my head hit the pillow. Except now I was in bed staring at the shadows on my roof made by the city lights streaming in through my windows, and sleep wasn't even remotely on my mind. 

Instead, I replayed the events of the day in my head. So much had happened that it should have been like a reel on a loop; with me almost punching a resident, then arguing with Noor's husband, then telling her that he loved her, then escorting their baby to her new home. But it didn't take me long to realize that the only part of my day's narrative that I couldn't get out of my head started with a phone call and ended with her in my arms. 

That single hour was the part of my day that I relived on a loop. 

And that is what made me bury my face deeper into the pillow. 

A sense of déjà vu overtook. It seemed that despite everything I had gone through, the unending pain and agony, my heart had stubbornly refused to learn from its mistakes. I was doing it again; pining after an unavailable woman. 

"What the eff is wrong with me?", I sat up and threw a pillow across the room in frustration. I had always thought that coming to this God forsaken institution was a mistake. I never realized it was because I would somehow end up digging a deeper hole for myself than ever before.