Mending Broken Hearts

28. Courage

Omar

Somewhere between struggling to catch my breath and replaying Madi's father's words in my head, I must have drifted off to sleep on my sofa. The next thing I knew, my 6 am alarm was blaring, and the morning sun was pouring in through the windows. Its rays danced on the shattered glass - a stark reminder of the events from the previous evening.

No matter how much I wished that my nightmares remained a figment of my imagination, just my subconscious worrying itself over nothing, there was nothing imaginary about that moment in my life. My nightmares were coming true, and this time I wasn't sure I could save myself from being wholly consumed by them.

It took me another half hour to drag myself off the sofa and splash some water on my face. I cleaned up the broken glass and then got into the shower, letting the hot water be a temporary distraction. If the water hadn't run cold, I might just have stayed in there forever. Or at least long enough for me to be too late to my ER shift that morning, giving me a reason to not go to work at all.

One more day, my heart begged as I finally stepped out and put my clothes on.

Let's just pretend yesterday didn't happen, my mind fed its own delusions.

However, this would only serve as a temporary postponement of the inevitable. I knew I would have to talk to Madi about my conversation with her father, and the sooner I addressed it, the better it would be for both of us.

Rip the Band-Aid off, as they say.

*******

"Today is the day, man," I felt a slap on my back as soon as I put down my bag in the ER locker room. It was Elijah, in an uncharacteristic jubilant state.

The day I rip my heart out? Yes. Yes, it is. I wanted to say, but I am glad I didn't. It would only have dampened a true cause for celebration.

"Day for what?"

"The vaccine trial starts today, did you not sign up?"

Of course, I did. I even had an appointment set up. It was just that everything had just been a blur since yesterday including the date and day of the week. I shook my head to clear the gloom, even if temporarily. Now was not the time to succumb to my despondent soul.

"My appointment is at noon, I just forgot what day it was today."

"Well, good you signed up early," Elijah remarked while adjusting his N95. "I heard your friend Salman couldn't get in. That list filled up so quickly."

"Oh that's terrible for him."

Elijah didn't know Salman well enough for us to discuss his fear of infecting his wife and daughter. I was really hoping with the vaccine he could put his fears aside. But his issues were private. All I could hope was that Noor was hanging in there.

After my co-intern left the locker room, there were still a few minutes left till the ER shift officially started so I decided to text my childhood friend and ask how she was doing. She replied soon after.

Noor: Ok, I guess. Mostly working from home. We don't have a nanny for Ayah so I take care of her while doing online clinic.

Me: Yikes , how do you manage that?

Noor: Its a struggle.

Noor: Anyway...how are you? Any luck with your parents?

Me: No.

That is all I could answer if I was to have any semblance of normalcy in the hours to come. I couldn't let myself drown in personal misery, when I was barely able to float in the rigors of the busy ER shift.