Ember || B.E

7|| you didn't raise me at all

A/N: I lied, updates slowed down instead of got faster lmao. I finally finished 'Insomnia' but then got distracted with 'Death Wish' and then started editing 'we shouldn't' and in between that had a quarter-life crisis as well as pretty much losing my job and also being attacked on social media...lmao. Anyways, I'm back to writing this book but can't guarantee how often the updates will be. Love you!

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"Of course," Billie smirks, bopping my nose gently with her index finger.

"Go away," I whine, attempting to conceal the red tint now adorning my cheeks.

"Covering your cheeks with your hands isn't going to help baby girl," she chuckles with a glimmer in her eyes, "I still know you're blushing," she whispers, pulling my hands away from my face.

"Be quiet," I roll my eyes, pushing her away before falling back onto my bed. Only a few seconds later I feel her crawl on top of me until she's fully straddling my waist.

"I think," she starts, running her fingertips through my hair, "you're the one who needs to be quiet," she leans forward, her lips about to make contact with mine-

As I awake from my dream I find myself sweaty and out of breath. I've been waking up every day to these dreams for the past two weeks. It's probably because I've been ignoring Billie since I met her, which was two weeks ago. I know, I know, why the fuck would I do that, right? Well, there are a lot of reasons. First of all, it's hard to be around her and not be embarrassed, I mean, I wrote entire books about her and I don't even know her, it's kind of strange...... It's rather embarrassing. On top of that, I don't want to burden her with my issues; but I've also dreamed of being able to rant to her for years but now; now it just feels wrong. I don't know how to explain all the feelings that spiral through me when I think about her.

Billie however, is not giving up. She's been texting me three times a day, like clockwork and I haven't responded. I've tried typing out many responses, but nothing seemed right so I just ignore them. It's honestly made my depression worse if that's even possible. I just hate myself for not talking to her however I feel like I can't. It's been an intense two weeks of battling the two sides of my brain.

"Ember!" I hear my father shout from downstairs making me roll my eyes and mentally prepare myself to be yelled at. Stepping down the stairs, I see both my parents standing in the living room, my mother with her arms crossed over her chest. I sit down on the couch in front of where they're standing, waiting in anticipation.

"We read your work," dad starts, "Actually, I'd hardly call it work," he chuckled.

Here we go...

"And you've been getting lazier and lazier every day," mom added as I stared at the floor.

"No, not lazy, just depressed," I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that?" Mom passed.

"Nothing."

"What you write is shit, no wonder you don't make any money from it. I am so extremely disappointed in you that I'm at a loss for words," dad sighed, acting like he's the one struggling.

"We raised you better than this Ember Rae!"

"Raised me?" I spat with anger, getting up from the couch. "You didn't raise me at all! I raised myself! You should have fucking done better!"

"We didn't want you in the first place, what do you expect?" Mom chuckled.

My jaw dropped to the floor, and even though I knew they didn't want me, it still hurts to hear. I nodded my head, feeling the tears begin to flow down my cheeks before running upstairs and packing what I figured were my essentials.

I can't be here anymore, it's all too much for me. It took me all of ten minutes to pack what I needed before I tidied up the rest of my room.

Now all I have to do is wait until my parents are asleep...

~~~

Once I was sure that my parents were asleep, I turned the lights out in my bedroom before tip-toeing down the hall with my full duffel bag slung over my shoulder.

I quietly opened Elodie's door before walking in. She was sleeping peacefully but I knew that I would regret not saying goodbye to her so I gently shook her awake.

"Hey," I sat down on the edge of her bed, starting to feel the tears welling in my eyes.

"What's wrong?" She questioned in a concerned tone, turning her body towards me. I pulled her in for a hug and didn't let go, trying to come up with words in my head. How do I explain to her that I love her and I'm sorry for the way I've treated her and that I may never see her ever again?

"I'm leaving, I don't know how long I'll be gone but it will be a while," I sighed, looking down into her innocent young eyes. "I love you, okay?"

"W-what do you mean?"

I bit my lip in an attempt to hold back any cries. "I have to go, but please Elodie, I beg of you, stay strong and never ever stop being yourself. Don't ever think you aren't good enough and always stand up for yourself, do you understand?"

"Yeah," she nodded her head gently.

"I love you," I told her one last time as I gave her a bone-crushing hug.

"I love you too," she mumbled into my shoulder.

She's the only reason I might ever come back to this house.

Without a word I let go of her, quickly turning around so I wouldn't have to see her confused and scared face. I tip-toed down the steps, careful not to wake my parents.

As I neared the front door, I turned back to look at the house.  I should feel sadness but I suppose the only thing I feel is anger. Anger towards my parents, anger that they didn't put me up for adoption, anger that they never gave me the time of day, and anger that they gave up on me so quickly.

Twisting the doorknob I left the house that never felt like a home, with absolutely nowhere to go. But anywhere is better than here...right?

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A/N: Kinda hate this chapter but I'm excited for the next one. Don't forget to vote loves.

Words: 1078