My Love Proses

Prose 37: Diary of Discorded Disciple

March 5, 1980
Re: Macarielle Mercury Carreon
From: Archives in Unit 34-1846

POLYMER STATE HOSPITAL
SANTORINI, GREECE
DAY 5

I had this tough, grim, and harrowing fever after finishing acad backlogs that brought demise to the long list of to-do activities left untouched for less than one week. It was never intolerable not until I feel extremely doscomforted for a lost cause. The feeling was far from foreign became the deep, stinging, flesh-spoiled trace on my lower body made me trip down the oblivious memory lane — where I got heavy carbuncle.  There ain't any intricate difference to the comparison as I absorbed the query,

"Why did I go through it again? This was a painful experience. Much worsen than having three wisdom tooth extracted all at once. Skin boils are almost close to skin killers."

On the first day, I got an awful 38.5 celcius temperature. On the second day, I literally crawled out of bed only to realize that I could no longer walk properly. On the third day, my headache subsided laterally and not on the entirety. On the fourth day bread articles online about this illness while writhing the heat pressure and turmoil underneath my blanket.

Skin carbuncles are caused by the bacteria named Staphylococcus aureans, one of the staphs that can penetrate skin, negatively affect hair follicles and indict swelling updrafts on the lymph nodes. The disease was a devastating quicksand of truth. As I skimmed over the home remedies mentioned in there. The normal span of healing takes around two weeks with estimation to seven days extension from our final lenten season.

An absolute terrible prism of mortification halted the hope and excitement that I felt preceding from the day because I had so much work to do for the holy week. I cried hard because all of my plans were totally cancelled. From the recollection week, the video shooting, eco-penitence and visitation were all cancelled.

Gone the sweet lush, just gloom over despair pruning of gaucherie since I battled against it from day one until tonight. I cannot count the repetitive times that my mother served breakfast-dinner meals on the bed with concerning reproach because even sitting down felt too arduous and minute-consuming, much more when the skin boils are bound to be triggered by sensitive touch. I wrestled at every slumber and deflated through the rise of each morning while reflecting whether I did something sinful and opposing to my morals, or whether this illness became the domino effect after I carelessly deprived myself from proper care, or whether I had to widthstand another challenge of life where the impactful means for surpassing another odd comes from the will of making it happen.

Self-embossed challenges are tiring and overrated as a nearly barren unjustifiable experience. I owe the payment for imposing the possibility of tribulation through extreme physical burnout at the expense of well-maintained wellness. Though handwork is good but neglecting health attendance is another story to be reconciled — the myriad that I failed to consider because I went overboard.

I prayed, talked and cried to God, my Lord, all the worries and doubts that the sky has embroidered underneath my skin. My hope for peace made me cross the mountains high only to stop halfway and question Him all over again. My courage and strength went diving downhill. I felt nothing but pain— excruciating pain here and there. Yet, despite all these challenges, I still promised to keep the patience, let my spirit soar upward, stay obedient the seabed of suffering, and allow each abounding grace to work favorably for the healing that I needed as His disciple. I never faltered my trust in Him, instead I let it propel and flourish with His biblical words from James (1:12).

Indeed, delayed healing is still a God-given healing. I may not yet be on that situation for now, but with every prayer, the Lord will endlessly lead me all the way through it.

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has Ali promised to those who love him." — James 1:12 NIV