You're My Bliss.

Twenty Two: A Shoulder To Lean On.

We lost Abba two weeks ago.
It's very sad.
Everyone has been out of it.
Everyone just sits quietly staring blankly at nothing.

Abubakar moved up the wedding even before we lost Abba.
Laura has lost consciousness four times in the last week, she was his baby girl anyway, everyone expected it so her husband decided to let her stay here for a while, so that she'd feel better with people around her.

Dahir hasn't been showing his face much even though he comes every morning and evening to check on his mother and sister.

We haven't talked since that day at the hospital so Samira is more than happy to stick herself next to him. She's always by his side and she was there for him, it should have been me and it breaks my heart each time I see her around him like a tail.

The boys have been quiet, too quiet.
I heard Mutassim and Bashir have been having problems sleeping.

The thing with loosing a loved one is the fact that you weren't expecting it. Usually the bereaved of a cancer patient prepare themselves emotionally but no one knew and we lost him 24hrs after his collapse.

He woke up and we even spoke to him so we had hope and then we lost him in his sleep that night.

Uncle Ali, Abba's cousin and closest friend called for us all. Including Mami.

He huffs "It's truly sad that we lost Abubakar, a great man and a great father. May his souls Rest In Peace"

"Amin" we say in unison.

"He told me about his illness a month prior to his demise. It broke me to hear it but he wanted you all to continue your lives, he knew you'd put your lives on hold and he didn't want that" he huffs "What you should do now is pray for him, that's what he needs. You all know he wouldn't want you sulking and living miserably and you know it. That was why I had to come myself, to remind you of what he would want. I'm not one who believes in 'the hard truth' but maybe that's what you need. Crying won't do anything and you know it, pray for him. You know it's what he needs and I know losing a father is difficult, especially one that made such an impact in your lives but he wouldn't want you wallowing in pain and sorrow"

Mami nods, smiling "He's right, I shouldn't have to agree for you to know it, as you all do already. Go back to work and work even harder" she turns to Abubakar "We'll proceed with the wedding preparations and set the wedding for 2 months from today, we'll inform our in-laws next week"

He nods.

"Also, I'll be going for Umrah and—" she looks at Dahir whose mind seemed occupied completely with something else.

It's the first time we're sitting in the same room, it's heartbreaking and sad really.

"Dahir?"
He looks at her.
"You're the oldest, and whether we want to admit it or not, they count on you, they're your siblings. I want you to come back home, just while I'm away. Will you do that for me?"

He smiles, "Of course I will" he clasps Laura's hand "And you should be heading back home now"
She shakes her head "I don't want to, I want to stay here with you all"

He turns to Mami "Maybe you should take her along?"
She smiles "Seems like a good idea"

"That's settled then. No more tears, pray instead" he says.

::

I pout.
Adnan wasn't feeling too well so Kauthar and I decided to come see him, it was when we got there that we realized that Muhibba just wanted attention.

"Look, technically it's not my fault. I'm lonely"
"What about your son?"

She hisses "Am I suppose to play with a two year old?"
I nod.

She looks at me sadly "How's everyone doing at home?"
I smile "Not too good but after their uncle's message last week everything has been better. The mood has been alot better. Mami, Laura and Fadila are going for Umrah tomorrow"

They shake their head "May his soul Rest In Peace, he was such a good man. He'd carry Adnan and play with him each time I visited"

I huff "Yeah, for a while I forgot he's not my father but he made this last year the most memorable for me and I'll always be indebted"

"Then put that debt in prayer" Kauthar says.
I nod.

"What about your baby daddy? How is he handling it?"
"He's trying to be strong but he's still in pain"

"That's too bad. Thank God he has you"
"Actually we broke up"

"What?!" They shout in unison. "Why?!"
"When?!"

"Well, the night Abba collapsed"
Muhibba shrugs "That's fine, you were there for him when he lost his father, that's like a 100points"

I shake my head sadly "I wasn't, he didn't want me being there for him, instead Samira was"

Muhibba's mouth drops "Sh*t"

"It's just that I can't give myself up to a relationship just yet, or was that dumb?"

"Yes!"No!" they say in unison.

"Look—" Kauthar starts "—If you have that gut feeling that something isn't right about a person or situation, trust it"

Muhibba shakes her head "No, don't do something you'll regret"

I stay quiet.
Muhibba rests her hand on my shoulder "Honestly, you're stupid as hell if you push away someone who is all about you and only you".

::

I decided to talk to Dahir.
I know I hurt him but I want to fix things.
I want us to get back together.

He still sits outside in the gazebo at night. So if not then, when?

I huff and approach him.
He just watches me sit but says nothing.

He just stares at me.
He tries to act strong and all but he's not. His eyes have sunken and he looks strained.

"How're you?"
"I'm okay, don't I look it?" He asks casually.

I nod "That's what you say, it doesn't seem that way"
"Don't mind how I look, I'm fine"

I nod.
There was an awkward silence, at least for me.

"Is something the matter?" He asks.
"Me? No, there's nothing"

"You came here to get some air?"
I stay quiet.
Is he trying to play dumb?
It was annoying that he behaves like there was nothing that ever happened.

"Why are you behaving this way?"
"What way Karima?"

I huff.
"You're shutting me out".

He nods "In what way? I asked how you were and I talked to you, what else do you want?" He asks like its normal.

"But we were something just because we're on a break doesn't mean we're done for life"
"Were, Karima, past tense"

I huff "It doesn't have to be the case. Let's get back together"
"Together?"

He looks at me annoyed "So am I supposed to jump up in excitement? Because you're ready to love me? Don't mess with my feelings just because you're unsure about yours"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't want to get into a relationship I wasn't ready for"

He laughs sarcastically "You weren't ready? I'm not your lap dog Karima, calling me and pushing me away whenever you want to"

I was getting really annoyed "I know it's my fault and I want to fix it"
"I'll be honest with you, the last thing I want right now is a relationship" he stands "It's getting late, you should get some sleep"

He stands there staring at me.
"Aren't you going in?"
"After you, when you do"

I get up and walk away.

::