You're My Bliss.

Twenty-Six: Get you back!

I hold in a lot.
When I'm in pain, I don't like to worry other people. No matter how hard I cry, or how much somebody asks, my answers will always be, I'm fine. Even if it's not true.

I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore. It's hard to put into words, but I guess it was like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.

I can limp with grief and joy all at once. I don't have to choose anymore. I weep and smile in the same moment, a once confusing struggle. These two emotions have become so deeply webbed inside of me, they are no longer opposites, they are one.

Kauthar told me to let him go but that's not love. Love is when, he makes you cry but you still want him. When he ignores you but you still love him. And I have a feeling this won't continue this way for much longer, I hope so.

I barely eat anymore.
I barely leave my room.
I'm going to get his attention, no matter what and I know he wants to see me too.

I huff facing my right side on the bed and huff.
The truth is I actually have no interest in anything at the moment. Not friends, not hanging out, not watching, all I want is my man back. You can call it throwing a tantrum if you'd like.

Someone knocks on my door.
I groan "Come in"

The door opens slowly and Dahir comes in.
I was surprised.
And I looked terrible.
Like really bad.
Like very very very bad.

My hair wasn't braided and I haven't combed it in two days, because I just woke up so it was hanging in the air. I have eye bags, my eyes look like I've been crying because I really have. The only thing I could do was lick my lips really quick so they wouldn't look chapped.

"Karima?"
I put my curtains down so the room was dim. So I'm sure he can't see my face.

"It's 12pm, why are you still in bed?"
"I'm tired"

"From waking up?"
I nod even though he can't see me.

He opens the curtain and I immediately turn my head away because of the bright sunlight.
"Come on, get up"

I groan.
"Karima?"

"I don't feel like getting up".
I could feel him sit on the bed next to me.
I held on the the duvet I used to cover my face, tighter. I don't want him to see me this way.

"Let's talk"
"Can we do that later?"

"No, we can't"
I stay quiet.

"You know, recently Mami reminded me of something I did in my past. It's not like I forgot it, I don't think I ever did since it happened but I always try not to remember how everything was. She reminded me and now I'm back to square one. Where I feel like I ruined family and lost my friend" he scoffs "I was actually very troublesome, reckless and stubborn when I was younger. I hated chores, I wrecked so many cars, stole money too, It shocks me remembering all the things I did but I thought they were what mattered. I thought going to parties, drifting, throwing my own parties and all that was life and fun until that day—getting reminded of it just makes me what to put my life in place, it's not right now. I was trying to forget you and heal but at the same time I didn't"

At this point, I don't care how I look. I sit up looking at him.

"You look terrible" he jokes.
"Yeah, I know" I smile.

"I still remember the feeling I felt when I first talked to you"
I couldn't help but laugh "You mean hatred?"

He chuckles "That too"
"Too? Then what was it?"

He shakes his head "A story for another day" he huffs "It's kinda sad when you realize the person you used to tell everything to, now has no idea what's happening with your life"

I nod.
He smiles "Why don't you take your bath and eat? We can talk later" he gets up and walks out.

::

"Let's try to make things work again, please"

I've been waiting a while to hear that.
I nod, smiling.

"Of course, yes—we should"
He smiles "I'm sorry if I drag on too long, I was just hurt that you'd want us to take a break when everything was going so well"

I huff.
"It wasn't for me"
He looks at me confused "What?"

"You didn't start loving me because I had a great personality or I was confident, it was pity and guilt. You pitied my situation and felt guilty for how you treated me, that was why you fell inlove with me so whenever you said you love me, I couldn't help but think about those things".

"But love is love, no matter the reasons for it"
"Is it? What if you wake up one day and start regretting it?"

He shake his head "Look Karima, no matter what the reason maybe—whatever happened in the past, I love you and whether guilt or pity is the reason for it, I don't know. All I know is I've been going crazy since the day you asked for a break, I've been trying to heal and forget my feelings but I'd be lying if I said I did. Ugh! It was miserable" he chuckles and hugs me "Please don't leave me again, I think if you did, I wouldn't survive it"

I couldn't help but laugh.
He hugs me tighter "I'm not letting go until you promise"

I laugh harder.
He hugs tighter and tighter.
"Fine—I promise"

"Now I don't want to let you go"

"Ugh!"
We both raise our heads and see Mutassim looking at us.
"Finally, you two have patched things up, I was  thinking of packing out because of you two. But that means you're taking my spot again"

I giggle.
"So this gazebo has become a lover's nest?" He huffs "I'll be in my car".

::

Honestly, I've never been this happy.

I can't deny that sometimes I get scared because there was a time I was happy with Muhammed as well but this one feels different.

Being family, being like a sister to his siblings makes everything different.

And I hope and pray that it's a beginning of something beautiful, the beginning of my happily ever after.

The End.

::

::

The End.

03/10/22!