Confessions of a pagan gal. {the finally of memoirs} ✔️

Aint perfect

Is anyone perfect no is anyone normal no it would be a boring world if everyone was normal and perfect it would be quite disturbing for me and there would be no need for Facebook or space hey there be no need for anything because we don't know each other like the back of our armpits. So I stick out like a sore thumb on purpose. And I am proud of that I don't conform to societies idea of beauty or what their idea of perfection is to me my perfection is my 3-year lobes and tattoos and piercings that's just the way it is that's my way of perfection my behavior well we're only human and that's beside the point. This is what I say we have a past and we all have it but we also have a future and we all have it too so if you're going to judge someone on their imperfections in the past you can bite the wind kind of thing cuz that's the kind of thing that I'm not going to take. I was never a perfect person to begin with because I had either throat or respiratory infections or I was getting into fights or getting into pranks. So I was never a perfect human being that's why it is human being that's all it is. And that's who I was to begin with. I was never born perfect because of my experiences as a baby. And don't give me this horse about baby's not remembering things because they remember things as we do they just have a different way of doing it. But babies are not stupid and they're never will be. I just buy these psychiatrist and psychologists saying that people say babies are too young to remember yeah right they don't know me. I remember everything and I could almost remember the last time I took a shower if I could put my mind to it so don't even bother putting that horse crap on me.
We are not meant to be perfect and I don't think that's what it is I don't think we're supposed to be perfect or like Britney spears. Like my song that I sang I'm not going to be like Rihanna Britney Spears or Lady Gaga as much as I look up to them I also look up to Marilyn Manson not in a bad way but in a good way as in try to be your own person break the mold and see what happens kind of thing. So I'm more of a man tonight if I were to wear the makeup. But I don't wear the makeup I wear normal makeup instead but I'm mansonize it instead. To make it look flashy and stuff kind of like a Lady Gaga means Marilyn Manson kind of thing only without the fancy clothing. And that's my kind of style and I also do Pagan makeup why because as I said I am pagan Shaman and wicca at the same time.   And nobody's supposed to be perfect in any way even in those religions so there. The only thing that I don't believe in is Satanism or satanic religion I'm consider that a religion or anything of that matter I just consider that a pile o crap.
I think that I do the makeup I only did the makeup one time to do to have my mother to have safe travels into the Afterlife only to find out that he's floating around in my room as my Casper so guess the makeup wasn't needed but I still wear the makeup when I go for a nature walk at my day program either way it's important to acknowledge nature and its Spirits so I wear the makeup. But then I also wear Glam girl makeup as well so that's what I do there's two sides of me the goth pag inside and the Glam girl sorry to me. More on there in the next chapter but anyways people might think I'm goofy or satanic when I wear the Pagan makeup and I have to tell them and put them in their place and tell them no this is Earth bass and nature-based belief system not a devil-based belief system which is a man base religion. This is why I decide to go with nature instead it's a lot easier to prove than the devil or whatever else is out there. But I do believe in a higher power but that's beside the point. I don't believe that higher power has to have a name or a book or any kind of scripture it just has to be whatever it made the universe like let's call it the big bang for example cuz that's what caused the universe to come up in the first place so but I call it the Creator like the Native Americans do the creator. The Creator particle that's what I believe in and that's what it is. The Creator particle to me is just a higher being that made the big bang happen in the first place there was a big crunch and then there was a particle in the Big Bang happened that's just basically my theory of events I also believe in multiverses and parallel universes as well there's a lot of things I believe in that people would scratch their heads and say they're a little weird. But I'm not weird I'm actually the same as one on the planet. Meaning I'm actually mentally healthy even though I have these come over please with PTSD and complex PTSD and dissociative PTSD and Asperger's and ADHD and but I'm the sanest one on the bunch.......... but am I perfect now I'll never be perfect and I don't want to be perfect perfect is for the people who are desperate to seek approval I seek approval of only myself and maybe my friends that's it that's all. I see the approval of my friends and myself especially myself because I count. As I said I'm looking at a sign that says Be Kind to yourself and that's very important to me as well so there.