An Unexpected Girl

chapter thirty-nine

Iris walked fast to Niki's apartment, telling herself that it was the chilly weather that caused her to quicken her pace and not her eagerness to see Niki. A part of her felt pathetic, but she pushed it down, ignoring it.

Iris arrived at Niki's apartment and was about to knock on the door when it opened from the inside, revealing Cathy.

"Oh, hey Iris," Cathay said, a smile on her face. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"Hey Cathy," Iris replied, returning her smile.

"Wish I could talk more," Cathay said, "but gotta go. Enjoy your movie night with Niki!"

Movie night?

The question played on Iris' mind as Cathy walked off briskly. She was looking at something on her phone and seemed distracted, so Iris brushed off her comment, not really thinking much about it.

"Hey."

Niki had appeared in her apartment doorway, and she beckoned for Iris to come inside as she shut the door behind her.

"Oh," Iris mumbled, a bit surprised she was being invited inside. She had expected that they would leave immediately.

"Do you still need to get ready?" Iris asked as they walked towards Niki's bedroom. "I don't mind just waiting in the living room or something."

"No, it's fine," Niki said, motioning for Iris to head into her room with her.

Iris did so, and Niki flopped down on her bed, motioning for Iris to sit down next to her.

Iris did this as well, but ever so cautiously. Niki was getting comfortable on her bed, which was weird, seeing as they were supposed to be leaving soon.

"So, um, when do you want to head out?" Iris asked, hinting at the plans they had made for the night. "I just don't think the stores would be open much longer."

"Actually," Niki began, "I was thinking we could just have a chill night, you know. We could just lay in and have a movie night."

"Movie Night."

Niki noticed the expression on Iris' face and sat up straighter, clearing her throat. "I mean, we can order some food in if you really want."

Iris' heart fell. Now Iris understood why Cathy had told her to have a good movie night with Niki. They were never even going to go out tonight. Clearly, Niki had just said that to get Iris to come over.

A feeling of deep tiredness passed through Iris. A part of her wanted to leave, but she knew that even if she left and went back to her apartment, she would be alone. Iris desperately didn't want to be alone right then.

"It's fine," Iris finally mumbled. "We can just have a movie night."

"Sweet," Niki said, as she fished around in her bed to find her TV remote before putting Netflix on.

Iris was barely even paying any attention to the movie. There was no point doing so anyway, as less than ten minutes later, she was naked beneath Niki's bare body.

There was the usual anger and betrayal that Iris felt knowing that Niki wasn't really interested in her besides hooking up with her.

For a few moments, Iris was conflicted. She wanted to push Niki off from on top of her. But as her mind usually did when it came to Niki, Iris immediately started making excuses for her in her mind.

At least Niki was no longer just having sex with her under the influence.

Iris didn't hate sex with Niki. On the contrary, she actually enjoyed it. It was just the temporariness that conflicted her. She wanted something more. She wanted to be more to somebody than just someone that they took to bed.

But Iris pushed her thoughts to the back of her mind like she always did as the pleasure overtook her. Even if it was temporary, it was better than nothing. Even if it was temporary, it was better than being alone.

Iris desperately didn't want to be alone.

Iris shut her eyes and leaned her head backward, breathing deeply. Behind her eyelids, she saw a warm, full-teethed smile, and curly red hair, and suddenly everything became easier. The anxiety and pressures that Iris was feeling seemed to fade away as warmth spread through her.

The weeks of the semester continued to go by. Iris worked hard on getting her grades up, as she knew that if they dropped too drastically, they would just be another problem weighing in on her.

Iris continued hooking up with Niki. Once she stopped expecting much from Niki, it was a lot easier. It seemed she finally understood Niki. She finally was moving at her wavelength.

Of course, Iris continued to hide this from Korra. The few times when Korra caught her coming back into the apartment after a late night, Iris would make up an excuse and brush her questions off. She couldn't decipher if Korra believed her or not. From how she narrowed her eyes suspiciously, Iris had a feeling she didn't.

But the last thing Iris needed was to lose Korra again, and she felt that letting her know what was really going on would do just that.

Thanksgiving Break was dawning closer and closer. Iris usually went back home for the holidays, but didn't plan to do so this time. All around her, students, as well as faculty, were planning for the one-week break from college.

Iris had sent a text to her mother a few days before break, informing her she wouldn't be coming home over thanksgiving break, then immediately switched her phone off for the rest of the day.

When she finally turned on her phone, she was greeted with more than thirty missed calls from her mom, and over a hundred text messages. Iris did not read the texts or return the calls.

Iris hadn't told Korra she wasn't going home for thanksgiving break, as that would mean telling her about all the drama with her mother and her deadbeat dad that popped back into their lives. Iris didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to talk about that.

Instead, Iris lied to Korra that she was leaving the day after Korra left for break. Iris even pretended to pack her suitcase to make her lie seem more believable.

Growing up, Iris' mom had always informed her of the dangers of telling a lie, as it only resulted in having to tell more lies in order to cover up the first lie. Iris could clearly see this unraveling in front of her, and it wasn't pleasant in the slightest.

The guilt was eating her from within. She had a bitter taste in her mouth and felt like bile would erupt out from her throat at any moment.

Regardless, Iris couldn't bring herself to talk about her feelings or tell anyone what was really going on. They all had their own problems to deal with, so Iris was going to deal with hers on her own.

After all, suffering in silence was her thing.

"Iris, I'm leaving for the train station!" Korra yelled from the living room.

Iris walked out of her room, giving Korra a tight goodbye hug.

"Text me when you get home, okay?"

"I'll be sure to," Korra replied, hugging her back tightly. "I love you, Iris. Let me know when you get home tomorrow, okay?"

Iris nodded, trying to force a smile on her face as she mentally reminded herself to text Korra to say that she was back home the following evening. A feeling of guilt passed through her, but she pushed it down.

It was only when the apartment door shut and Iris was completely alone in her apartment that she finally let the tears that she had been keeping bottled up these past few weeks fall.

a.n//

i'm sorry for the angst-fest that has been these past few chapters...i think i was going through something when i was writing this idk

ik iris isn't making the smartest of decisions but she's going through a hard time. pls stop dissing her so hard in the comments. pls let her be young and dumb